Kimi ga Oikaketa Yume
by Shimegami
Summary: Before Ran, there was another best friend in Shinichi's life...he just doesn't remember! Chapter Twelve: Would you take me back if it meant losing someone else dear...? And yet, Kaito doesn't even know he has to choose...
1. Chapter 1

_"You're leaving?"_

"I'm sorry. We're moving to a different house, and it's too far away to play together anymore, my parents said."

"But…but…if you leave, what will I do? Without you, I…"

"Hey, hey, don't cry. Be strong. You'll have to be strong now. I can't protect you anymore. So be strong for me, okay? Don't cry."

"Will I ever see you again?"

"Of course! Just wait! We'll grow up, and when I can go anywhere I want, I'll come back for you! And then we'll get married, okay?"

"We can't get married! We're both-"

"Don't worry so much! We'll find a way. I'll definitely come back for you one day, I promise. Oh, I have to go now. Don't ever forget me, okay?"

"…..I'll….I'll wait for you! I promise too! I won't marry anyone else until you come back!"

"It's a promise, Shinichi!"

-------

Shinichi woke with a start. For a second he was disorientated, unsure of where and when he was. Then the bright sunlight striking his face was registered, and he groaned.

That dream again…He thought, disgruntled, as he sat up and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes.

He couldn't remember for the life of him when that happened. It had to be really early in his life, before grade school. It had to have been, since Ran had been his best friend since first grade. Any other best friends had to have come before that.

Oh, well. There was no use worrying about it. Such a childish promise…if he could barely remember it, then no doubt it was long gone from the other person's memory too. He wouldn't have any random people coming back, insisting on getting married.

Especially since he thought Ran would take severe objection to that. And he doubted many people's bodies could handle her objections.

Ran….another reason he didn't want to get out of bed today. She'd been getting…naggy lately. Lecturing him on all sorts of things, from his appearance to his hobbies to his bloody sense of nationality. That one was just crazy, as more and more of her lectures had been getting lately. It was like she was trying to drill everything she didn't like out of him.

But that couldn't be right, after all. She was his best friend, and semi-girlfriend. He loved her, even if he wasn't quite sure exactly which love that was lately, and surely she loved him back. If she had survived all these years with him, then surely she didn't mind his oddities, right?

Sometimes he really questioned his feelings towards her. But that was neither here or there (or anywhere near her). Now, he had to get up and get going, if he didn't want to get another lecture from her.

Sometimes he really wondered who he was living (waiting) for.

With a sigh, he hauled himself out of bed and began his day.

--------

After sitting through school and all it's boring glory, Shinichi was finally free to do as he pleased. He hurried, hoping to get out and around before…

"Shinichi!"

….Well, shit. He turned, trying his best for a real smile, but knew he was failing stupendously.

"Hey, Ran…" he greeted weakly, trying to appear as small of a target as he could.

When he had turned, he had seen the look on her face. It was a breathless smile, a faint blush painted across her pale cheeks, eyes full with joy and love at seeing him. It was a look that many men would have died to see directed at them. Shinichi knew he died a little every time he saw it, every time he realized that he didn't quite feel like that.

As soon as she saw his smile, that look faded, the enthusiasm draining from her face, disappointment a brief replacement instead.

Then she hid it, all her feelings replaced by her pleasant "I'm-your-best-friend" smile, the smile that got everyone she met to trust her. It was as fake a smile as his own.

It couldn't hide the hurt love in her eyes, her silent question of "Why aren't you happy to see me?"

"Shinichi, will you come with me today? I have something to ask you, and I promise I won't try anything I did yesterday." Her voice was cheerful, forcibly so, only fading out at the end statement into soft tones.

She'd tried many things yesterday.

He sighed, his thoughts of sanctuary fleeing. Then again, if she had something she needed to ask him, it was doubtful she'd try anything or lecture him, so it probably wouldn't be all that bad. So, he smiled, slightly more real this time, and replied "Sure."

She brightened immediately, but didn't latch onto his arm like she usually did. "Great! Then, come with me, please. I found a great place the other day….I'd like to ask you there." With that, she began walking, leaving him to follow in silence.

--------

The trip to Ran's "great place" was very quiet and uneventful. They got onto the train, headed south for about fifteen minutes, then they got and had been walking ever since.

Ran had led him into a park, full of trees. It was fall, so the leaves were in brilliant color, drifting on the wind and across the ground. The ocean glimmered just a sort distance away at the edge of the park, the lowering sun brightly shining down on the surface of the water, casting dazzling reflections.

Ran was several feet ahead of him, as silent as she had been for the entire trip. Her head was down, and her hands were clinched slightly. He recognized the signs of a Ran deep in thought, and decided to remain silent.  
They finally reached their destination, a small grove secluded from the rest of the park by a thick half-circle of sakura trees. In the middle of the grove was a brick-paved circle, a bench resting at the far end of it. Directly across from the bench was a straight shot through the trees to a wonderful ocean view.

All in all, it was very romantic. And being here with Ran made him nervous. She wouldn't try anything; she had said so herself and if nothing else, Ran Mouri never went back on her word.

Rather, it made him nervous about what she would ask.

Silence reigned for a few minutes, the only sound the wind blowing through the grove to toss up leaves and rearrange the long strands of Ran's hair. He merely waited, once she got everything she wanted to say aligned in her head, then she'd talk.

Apparently, that time was now, as she looked straight up (never at him, of course, Ran never looked at the person she was upset with) and simply asked "Why?"

He waited for the real question.

"Why don't you love me anymore?"

That was an unexpected question. He coughed, caught off guard.

"What?" He managed. That was a question he didn't really want to answer, since he really didn't know himself. All he knew was that something inside of him forbid from loving her fully, from being happy with her as a mate (what a word to use, but he couldn't think of anything else). It could have been worse, though.

She could have asked him to marry her.

Now she turned to face him, angry tears in her eyes, every inch of her the fiery yet delicate Ran Mouri he'd always known. Beautiful wild, wavy dark-brown hair, large blue eyes filled with determination, face beautiful and fine-featured, but not quite feminine, touches of her father's features shining through. Her body held a sort of feral grace, natural or from karate, he wasn't sure. She was also on the tall side for a girl, nearly as tall as him. In short, she was everything he liked in a girlfriend.

She also did absolutely nothing for him. She should, but she didn't.

Once he had gotten over puberty, and the sudden rush of new awareness of others, she stopped having an effect on him. After he had gotten over the fact that yes, she was attractive, that yes, she was a member of the opposite race no matter how she had played with him before, once he got past all those things, she went back to what she was before. She was just Ran again, just his best friend that was almost his sister. He could look at her face again without blushing, and he could admire her karate and other actions without dirty thoughts springing in his brain.

He began to realize little things, like how her eyes just weren't quite blue enough-not quite the same shade as his own-and how her hair wasn't quite dark enough-too wavy, not wild enough-and he realized that while she had everything he looked for, it wasn't exact. It wasn't enough to keep his interest in her that way.

In short, he had gotten over his crush on her.

It was too late, however. She had fallen totally for him on her own, with no help from him. When one day she had shyly admitted her feelings for him, face down and pretty cheeks blushing, he had said he felt the same.

Perhaps trying to figure out where those feelings he had felt so strongly just a short while ago went, or thinking now that maybe he was used to her, and his new body, that this absence of feeling was a feeling itself. He had tried, very hard, to love her back.

She had admitted her feelings for him three years ago.

Now he realized that love just hadn't been a feeling he had for her in the first place. The same thing that held him back now had held him back then. He wished he knew why he couldn't love her.

Because then he could give her an explanation.

He sighed and dragged a hand through his bangs, forestalling what looked to be an angry tirade of "Are you listening to me?" Ran had been building up.

He honestly didn't know. He just didn't love her. How could he make her understand, without hurting her too badly? Never mind their relationship now, it was doomed to change when she had taken him aside three years ago, blushing with her statement of I have something to tell you.

They could never go back to being just childhood friends anymore. And that was perhaps the saddest of all the things going wrong with them.

He decided to stick to the truth. It was his way of life, after all, and she deserved it. Deserved it after all these years of the lies he'd fed her.

"Truthfully….I don't know." He looked at her directly in the eyes as he said it.

She was silent a moment, face blank, just staring back at him. Then she dropped her head again, bangs falling forward to hide her eyes. In truth, he always preferred her looking down or away, because then he didn't have to face her eyes. Her large, expressive blue-gray eyes that no matter how well she hid her feelings, those eyes always gave her away, always showed how hurt she was.

"I see." She whispered softly. "I guess you just don't feel that way." She seemed smaller than before, as if a truth of her world had been taken away and smashed. For all he knew, it probably had been.

He closed his eyes, not able to deal with her broken-sounded voice and how frail she looked, like the wind would catch her and blow her away, like a leaf.

It was hard to remember, sometimes, that she was smaller than him. She was so forceful and so full of personality that she always seemed larger, always seemed like she took up more room than she did. It was the force of her personality and the strength of her beliefs that made her larger than life.  
And now that one of those beliefs had been taken away, she shrunk, fragile and delicate, even smaller than she seemed.

Suddenly she tossed her hair back, and laughed a little. Tears sparkled faintly in her eyes, but the spirit was back in them, weak, but steady and bright, her smile faint but definite. The wind chose that moment to pick up, and her hair was caught by it, and for a second she was beautiful, in that second in the setting sun-had they really been there that long?-He almost felt like he could love her.

But the moment was gone and she was just Ran again.

And that, perhaps, he thought, was why it didn't work.

He didn't want Ran. He always felt like he was waiting for someone. Sometimes he saw flashes of that someone in others, in Ran, but it was always brief, and it never stayed. He didn't know who he was waiting for-promised to-but all he knew was that until he found them, he couldn't love anyone else. No matter how much they wished it.

Not even Ran and how much she wished it.

"Well, it can't be helped." Ran's voice was cheerful but faint, obviously a little forced. "They always say your first love isn't always your last. If you just don't feel that way for me….well, we can't hold each other down."  
She turned away. "You know, my mom wanted me to force you to propose to me. Said if I was so wild about you, then I should make it real and make sure you stayed. But, I already knew, really that that wouldn't work. I knew you didn't love me back, and what's the point of marriage then? She should know better than to try to force two people together." Ran laughed. "She's a great example for that."

She turned back around and smiled at him. "I'm not angry. I couldn't be. But I'm afraid we won't be very good friends after this, at least not for a while. I need…a little time. I'll be going home now. Dad will be worried, since I never told him I was going out in the first place. Well, see you later, Shinichi."

And with that, she began walking back out of the park, avoiding his eyes. He saw her tears faintly, falling down her cheeks as she walked by him, face down.

He wished for anything he could have given her a different answer.

--------

He stayed in that spot for a while, thinking about Ran and his own feelings. He tried desperately to figure out was holding him back from loving her, from loving anyone else, but all he could get was the faint sense of waiting and promise.

He tried to expand those feelings more, trying to find out what they meant, when a sudden raindrop struck him in the cheek, reminding him to do his soul-searching somewhere else. Preferably dry. And with a roof.

He cursed as many raindrops joined the one, and soon he was running with his book bag over his head, muttering dire threats at the park for daring to be more than three blocks from the nearest train station.

He was running through the streets of a residential section, hoping he wouldn't have to wait long for a train, when suddenly something solid appeared in front of him and he ran straight into it.

The thing was more solid than he was, as it managed to stay standing as he fell backwards on the ground, landing ungracefully with a startled cry.

"Kaito! How many times have I told you to watch where you're going?"

An irate girl's voice distracted him from the pain his backside had experienced from its forcible contact with the pavement, and he looked up to see just what, or who it seemed, he had run into.

A male teenager in a gakuran school uniform stood before him, arguing with a girl about his age over his shoulder.

"I was watching where I was going! But it was a corner, and we both didn't see each other!"

He blinked, a little fazed, both by the sudden halt, and the fact that stranger's voice sounded a lot like his own.

"Umm…" He started, attracting their attention. "I'm…"

And was more startled to notice how much the other youth looked like him. Aside from the messier hair partially hidden by the umbrella he was carrying, they could have been twins.

"I'm really sorry, it was me who was running, after all." He finished his sentence this time, giving an apologetic smile.

The teen, apparently also recovering from the look-alike discovery, gave him a bright grin.

"No problem, she lectures me for everything. And besides, I wasn't the one who fell down. Are you alright?" He offered his hand, which after a startled blink Shinichi took. His look-alike easily pulled him up, which also surprised Shinichi a little. The other youth was stronger than he seemed, apparently.

"Thanks-" He started, but was swiftly interrupted when the girl swooped in on him.

"Ahh, you're soaked! Today forecasted rain and you didn't have an umbrella? That's really careless, you know! Here, Kaito, make room!" She rattled on, pushing a dazed Shinichi under the other man's-Kaito, apparently-umbrella.

"Umm…I…ahh..?" He couldn't quite get a sentence out , and Kaito just laughed at him.

"Don't worry. She always like that. Just a big mother hen. Don't let her get to you."

"I heard that! Now, take him home and dry him off!"

This caused a double take from both males. "What?"

She gave them a look that would not be challenged. "He's soaked to the bone, and if he stays like that much longer, he'll catch a cold! Besides, you knocking him down got him even wetter. The least you could do is give him a dry place to wait out the storm!"

Shinichi just blinked, while Kaito seemed to deflate with a sigh. But his dejection was swiftly gone, replaced by a bright smile as he turned to Shinichi. "Tomorrow's the weekend, right? Would your parents mind if you stayed a while? I'm not sure if the storm will stop before the night's over, but you're welcome to spend the night, if you don't want to get wet again. My mom won't mind."

"Oh, uh, um, my parents wouldn't mind at all." It would be slightly hard for them to mind, he continued silently, when they're over a thousands miles away.

"Good! Then, let's get going, Kaito! It's getting dark!' The girl turned and began walking off, leaving the guys with no choice but to follow.

--------

The girl drifted to Shinichi's side with a smile. "We never introduced ourselves. I'm Nakamori Aoko."

"Nakamori?" He mused. "That sounds familiar."

"Her dad's the head of the local police division, Inspector Nakamori Ginzo. Perhaps you've heard of him. I'm Kuroba Kaito, by the way." The teen who was currently his umbrella with Shinichi responded, grinning again. Smiling seemed to be his natural facial expression.

"Ah! Inspector Nakamori! I've heard Inspector Megure talk about him." He mused. "Kuroba…that sounds familiar too…"

"Dad was a famous magician." Kaito grinned. "Seems you know our families already."

"Stop that, Kaito." Aoko scolded, then smiled at Shinichi. "So what's your name? And how do you know Inspector Megure? Him and Dad have been friendly rivals for a while now."

"Ah, me? I'm Kudo Shinichi." He smiled, a little embarrassed. "I've helped Megure solve some cases."

"You mean Kudo Shinichi, the detective? My dad knows about you too! Says you're really good at solving cases, but you don't really like the spotlight, and if you got more television time you'd be some kind of celebrity." Aoko had new respect for him in her eyes as she talked to him, apparently her mental evaluation of "drenched high-school student" evolving to "drenched high-school detective".

"I'm not really all that famous…it's too embarrassing.." Shinichi said with a weak grin. Besides, every time he solved a case, Ran got into such a bad mood from her father loosing work…

"Hey, Kudo…right? That last name seems familiar to me. Guess we've all got famous parents." Kaito said, still with his smile.

Shinichi ducked his head a little. "My dad is a famous mystery novelist, and Mom is an actress. Kudo Yuusaku and Kudo Yukiko."

Kaito snapped his fingers. "Ah! I've read a little of his books. And I think Dad knew your mom. That name seems awfully familiar."

"Really?" Shinichi asked, genuinely interested. His parents knew such interesting people, and never told him! For all he knew, he'd met Kaito before, but far too young to remember. It seemed his parents stopped touring him around amongst their friends once he developed long-term memory.

"Maybe you two have met before!" Aoko added, echoing his thoughts. "Anyways, this is my house, so I'll see you guys later. And Kudo-kun, don't go back out into the rain trying to be polite! Kaito owes you a hot bath at least! Bye!" With that, she turned and headed up the path to the house they had just reached.

"See you later Aoko! Anyways, she's right you know. You'll catch a terrible cold if you don't dry off, and I don't know about you, but I catch colds really easy. So you'd better not take any chances!" Kaito continued Aoko's cheerful prattle, continuing their course down the street.

"I catch them easily too. And….tomorrow is a weekend….and my parents definitely won't mind…I guess it wouldn't hurt…" Shinichi admitted slowly, earning him one of Kaito's many smiles.

"Good, now that we're in accord, my house isn't that much further. Let's hurry before we get even more wet!" With that cheerful proclamation, they headed for Kaito's house.

--------

Kaito's house was a decent-sized two-story, a blend of traditional Japanese and modern Western, as most houses seemed to be nowadays. Kaito lead them up the walk, stopping only to step under the porch and shake off the umbrella, closing it with a snap.

Kaito opened the door, calling cheerfully. "I'm home! And I've brought a friend!"

"Kaito! Welcome home! Did you bring Aoko-chan, or-" A woman's voice called out, and suddenly she appeared in the hallway. "Oh! I guess it's not Aoko-chan, then." She approached the two with a smile.

It was obvious that Kaito must take after his father, because there wasn't much resemblance between him and the woman who was obviously his mother. Perhaps the only feature they shared was the messiness of their hair, but while Kaito's seemed unrefined, his mother's was tamed into a short chin-length cut, wavy and wild but it seemed intentional. She had soft, almost sleepy gray eyes, and a smile that would seem sad, should she have anything to be sad about. But as it was, she was cheerful, giving Shinichi a sweet smile.

"You look so much like Kaito! What's your name, dear? Oh, and you're drenched! No wonder he brought you home!" Not waiting for his name, she took his book bag and Kaito's despite his protest, and promptly bustled off. "Get out of those wet shoes, I'll go fetch a towel to dry your hair!"

Shinichi was left blinking, and Kaito grinned at his bafflement. "Don't worry, she's just a force of nature when she has someone to mother. Anyways, take off your shoes and we'll do something about getting you dry."

---------

Shinichi had been dragged through the house, fussed over, handed a pair of pajamas and some towels, and been bustled into the bath before he'd been able to introduce himself to Kaito's mother. When he'd tried, she had waved him off, saying to tell her after he was warm and clean, and closed the bathroom door on him.

He was in the bath now, idly watching the steam rise. It was strange...normally he'd be far more ansty and generally embarrassed over being forced to stay the night at a stranger's house, but somehow the Kurobas just...seemed familiar. They felt a lot more like "home" than they should.

Well, it was probably as Aoko said - they'd probably met each other before and didn't remember it. His parents were so flighty, it was a wonder they still remembered they had a son and house back in Japan. Friends came and went in their lives, and the people who might have been their close friends when he was young were probably nothing other than distant memories now.

Still, it made him wonder...something about them was niggling at his brain, but refusing to come to the front. Perhaps if he slept on it, he'd realise why this house's inhabitants seemed so familiar.

Sighing, Shinichi slid underneath the surface of the water, relishing the last moments of his bath. He couldn't take all night after all, Kaito had gotten pretty wet too.

---------

Shinichi walked out of the bathroom, towelling his hair dry, and feeling rather self-concious in the pajamas. It was obvious they were Kaito's, he'd had to roll up the sleeves and legs a little. The other teen was slim and wiry, but had a few inches on Shinichi. It made him feel like a little kid.

Hesitantly, he headed down the stairs, not quite sure what to do. He was saved the trouble, however, by Kaito's mother stepping out of what appeared to be the kitchen.

"Oh!" She smiled, turning towards him. "You're done? I'll have to tell Kaito. Do you need anything else?"

"Ah, no, thank you I'm fine. I'm Kudo Shinichi, by the way." He gave a small bow, the action causing him to miss the look of shock that passed over her face. When he looked back up, she was all smiles again, but it noted it looked a little strained.

"Well, Shi-...Kudo-kun, I made some tea. It's sitting in the family room. Go make yourself comfortable, I'll go tell Kaito to take his bath now." She hurried off again, leaving him blinking.

Why had she gotten so nervous? And what had been meant when she'd stumbled over his name? It had sounded like she'd intended to address him by his given name, but had changed her mind and switched to his family name.

Shrugging, he decided to head for the tea.

---------

Tea had been rather uneventful. Kaito's mother, who had introduced herself as Fumiyo, had come back down, and while she had recovered from whatever nervousness his name had caused in her, there were still small moments, like more stumbling over his name, and a general disquiet when she had asked how his parents were doing.

Placing his teacup down, he decided to at least ask.

"Kuroba-san...you know who I am, don't you?" He looked up at her, and after a moment of avodance, she looked back.

"...Yes...I...I was a friend of your parents. We actually used to live close by, but we had to move, and...knowing how Yukiko-san and Yuusaku-san are, well..." She wrung her hands a little, obviously uncomfortable with implying faults.

He nodded, understanding. Something still seemed a little off, though...something about the way she wouldn't meet his eyes when she mentioned living near them, and something in her tone of voice when she said they had to move away...there was more to this story, he knew.

He didn't want to push it, however. He merely smiled, and picked up his tea again. It was then Kaito bounced down the stairs, also dressed in pajamas. His very presence seemed to clear away the heavy mood in the room, as if it hadn't existed at all. Shinichi found himself turning to greet him just as happy as his mother, a note in his own voice he didn't recognize.

He had to wonder why.

---------

Later that night found Shinichi and Kaito in the recreation room, sitting on futons and surrounded by pillows. The house didn't have a guest room, and as Kaito's mother wasn't about to let a guest sleep on the floor alone, she had made Kaito sleep in the rec room too.

Shinichi found he truly enjoyed the other teen's company. He was just as quick on his mental feet as Shinichi, and had many of the same interests. He'd never had this much fun talking to someone, everyone else just wanted to talk about people and things and events that happened that day, and their own lives. With Kaito, he was discussing ideas, theories, working through old ones and making new ones he'd never dreamed of having. He was beginning to understand why his father talked to his mother when brainstorming, having someone who understood your ideas and added more was wonderful.

He hadn't realised how much time he and Kaito had spent just talking until Kaito's mother came into the room, chiding the boys for staying up too late playing. It was then they realised it was already midnight, almost nearing one, even, and they'd spent the last few hours totally absorbed in their conversation. She had left then, seeming a little depressed about something.

Her interruption had made the boys realise how tired they were, so with yawns and faint giggles at the situation, they'd turned off the lights and attempted to sleep.

Shinichi layed there for a while, staring at the ceiling. Kaito had already dropped off, judging by the slower and heavier breathing pattern. Apparently he was one who had no problems falling asleep, which Shinichi envied.

The same thing that had niggled his mind in the bath was returning to him here. He supposed that the sense of familiarity was explained, but still...it felt a little too familiar. Something was stepping up and demanding to be known, now that he was here with these people, but when he tried to grasp it, it fled, taunting him with the feelings it left behind.

It was frustrating.

He sighed, and turned on his side, a position he normally didn't sleep in, but felt more comfortable than the norm. He tried to clear his mind of all thoughts, focusing on little things, like the patterns the rain-dimmed streetlight cast through the window, and the steady sound of Kaito breathing a few feet aways. He found the sound oddly comforting, idly counting the breaths like one would sheep.

He was asleep before he hit thirty.

---------

_They were picking on him again, jealous and taunting of his knowledge. He tried to hold back the tears; it wasn't his fault he already knew what they were just beginning to stumble through..._

They advanced on him, menacing for all their preschool strength. They wouldn't hurt him too badly, they were too young to form the concept of "hurt" just yet, but they would push him down, and their words hurt badly enough.

He knew pleading would just be whining to them, and would just cause meaner words to appear. So he scrunched his eyes closed and just hoped it was over soon.

"Leave him alone!"

He knew that voice, and he knew what it meant. He should be happy that his best friend had come to save him, but...

His best friend always had to save him. So much that he was beginning to get taunted too. And his parents didn't like it, they always told him to stand up for himself, and not get his friend into trouble, to not depend on him too much.

Not bothering to see the outcome of the face-off, he turned and fled.

--

He ended up at the park, huddled underneath a tree, sniffling dejectedly. it was all his fault; because he was smart and shy and the others picked on him, it was always getting his best friend into trouble.

And they were beginning to taunt about that too, laughing at him and saying he was helpless without his "other half".

The sad thing was, it was true.

He knew he had to stick up for himself, to try to use his smarts to fight back and put the bullies in their place, but it was just too hard. Their words hurt too much. While others, like his friend, took insults in stride and flung them back, the slightest mean words brought tears to his eyes.  
Why was he so weak? Why couldn't he fling their words right back at them too? Why was he-

"Here!"

He looked up, startled.

His best friend grinned right back at him.

"Here, have some ice cream! It always makes me feel better!" He offered a cone with one hand, simple strawberry with sprinkles, his favorite. In the other hand was a half-eaten one, chocolate and covered with every topping the boy could get his hands on. It made him giggle, a little.

"If you eat all that sugar, you'll get cavities. Mama says so." He told his friend,s ilently accepting the gift.

"It's okay if I brush my teeth real good tonight." The other boy plopped down onto the ground next to him. "Why did you run away?"

His friend's question ruined the happiness the ice cream had brought in him. He stared at the cone, the tears coming back.

"You always have to save me...Mama and Papa tell me to stick up for myself to be more "mature"...but it's so hard. I always feel like I'm letting them down...especially when you have to save me...it makes me feel sad."

Not only sad, it amde him feel worthless as well. He didn't want to watch his friend get hurt just because of him...

"That's stupid!" His friend proclaimed loudly, startling him. "It takes a long time to learn to take of yourself, my dad said. Your parents should know that too. And sometimes you just can't help it." He nodded sagely, before going back to his ice cream. It was all over his face, and the sight made him giggle.

"But I should learn...if I tell him you had to save me again, Papa will lecture me again..."

"Then just don't tell him!"

"Eh?" he turned, disbelief in his eyes.

"If he doesn't know, then he won't lecture you! Just say nobody teased you."  
"But, that's lying! That's bad!"

"It's not bad if it helps somebody, dad said. If you don't tell them I save you, then they'll think you're doing it yourself, and won't lecture you anymore."

"But...I should learn...you can't always find me, and we might not be best friends forever..."

"Don't be stupid, Shinichi, I always find you, and I always will. You always run to the same spots anyhow. And even if we aren't best friends and you hate me, I'll still protect you. Always." The promise would sound childish to anyone, but the sheer determination in his friend's eyes and voice won over his four-year-old mind. He felt himself blushing as he dropped his head.  
"Thank you..."

"What are friends for? And we're best friends, right? Forever!"

"Yeah, forever..."

---------

Shinichi woke slowly, feeling very warm and comfortable. That was a lovely dream, he wished he could remember it better. He really didn't want to get out of bed today, no matter what Ran wanted to do...he'd just stay in his nice, warm bed with his wonderful-smelling moving pillow...

Wait a second...moving pillow?

Shinichi's eyes flew open, and he just managed to catch the startled yelp in his throat. All thoughts of _Ran_ and _dream_ promptly fled his mind as it desperately grasped at his situation.

Okay, he was currently in a strange room, on a strange futon on a strange floor, currently tucked up to and curled against a strange person. He had to be calm about this, or he'd wake the other...male-yes, the chest was definately flat-up. He slowly angled his head up...

And felt himself relax when he was greeted by the sleeping visage of Kuroba Kaito. The memories of last night caught up with him, and he felt his panic fade. It was okay, he'd just drifted a little too close to Kaito in his sleep, that was all, and his body had taken intiative. So he instinctively liked to cuddle. That was okay, so long as the other teen didn't wake up...

Moving as slowly as he could, Shinichi slid off the other teen and tried scooting back to a more appropriate distance.

Kaito, however, was apparently a very light sleeper, since as soon Shinichi managed to get off his chest, his eyes flickered open.

Shinichi froze in place. He was still entirely too close to Kaito for comfort, and the other teen had to have felt him move, if it woke him up. He felt the heat slowly rising in his cheeks and cursed the fact that he was easy to blush.

Kaito blinked at him, apparently last night's events just catching up with him too, until he smiled, bright and pleasant.

"Good morning!" He chirped, apparently ignoring the fact that there was less than a foot of space between them. "Did you sleep well?"

"I-ah-ah...um, yes, thank you..." Shinichi managed, bright red. This had to be the most embarrassing moment of his life ever, except that time with the high school student when he'd been back in junoir high...

Kaito sat up and stretched. "Well, it's smells like Mom's already awake and making breakfast, so let's go get some, okay?" With a bright grin he bounced to his feet and out of the room.

Shinichi was left staring at the doorway for a moment, slightly boggled. Sure, he was a morning person, but after about three cups of coffee. He'd never seen someone so...energetic just out of bed.

With a sigh, he sat up, trying to both scrub the sleep out of his eyes and the blush off of his face. If Kaito hadn't bothered to care that Shinichi cuddled, unconciously mind you, then he sure wasn't going to bring it to the other youth's attention. He hauled himself out of the mess of sheets and pillows, finally catching the smell of things cooking that had lured Kaito away.

He smelled coffee. The day was looking better.

--------

Breakfast was cheerful and happy, with Kaito bouncing around the kitchen with various magic tricks, and his mother taking them in stride with a smile, merely ducking around the random flying dishes. Shinichi was content to just sit at the table with a mug of coffee, watching the magic tricks with growing appreciation. He'd seen magicians before, but Kaito seemed to redefine the art, every trick appearing to be wild and spontaneous, with no planning what-so-ever. His movements were sleek and fluid, however, out of place with the spontanaeity of the sleight-of-hand. It made Shinichi more prone to watch him than the magic, though he really didn't know why. He reasoned that he was merely watching to see if he could pinpoint Kaito's timing for his tricks, and left it at that. He couldn't say why he blushed when he thought about it, though.

Breakfast made it to the table with no mishaps despite Kaito's tricks, so it was obviously common practice. Once the food was on the table, Kaito settled down, applying his energy to eating, though Shinichi did have to shudder at the amount of sugar the other teen dumped ito his coffee. If he was like that normally, then what would a sugar high make him...?

He decided he didn't want to know, and if Kaito bounced a little in his chair, he ignored it.

---------

After breakfast, Kaito's mother presented him with his school uniform, neat and pressed.

"Here! I washed it for you! I figured you'd want to leave soon, to not worry your parents, but you can stay as long as you like. I just figured you'd like your own clothes back."

He smiled at her, taking the bundle. "Thank you! I should get going...I have some things to do before I go back to school. Thank you for the offer, though." He left to get changed.

When he returned, fully dressed and ready to go, Kaito, having heard the exchange, drifted over.

"You're leaving?" His face fell a little, but soon perked right back up. "Last night was fun! We'll have to get together again soon! Here, I'll give you my cell number..." Kaito headed off in search of paper and a writing implement, failing to notice his mother's expression at his words. Shinichi did though, and had to wonder...

"Here!" Kaito chirped, having return with a small white square in his hand. It was a slip of paper, with a phone number. "It's my cellphone! You can call anytime! I'd love to get together again sometime!"

Shinichi accepted the slip, finding himself grinning back. "Sure, I'll call you. Well, thank you for letting me stay, and for breakfast." He bowed slightly, turning to leave.

Kaito's mother stopped him at the door. "Ah, I almost forgot! Please, wait a moment!" She quickly bustled off, only to return with Shinichi's bookbag and a small wrapped object.

"Here's your school things. And I baked this last night while you boys were talking...you like strawberry, right?" Her eyes met his directly, and Shinichi found himself once again with the feeling that there was something more to this, something other than just the "we had to move away" bit. There was a story here, involving Kaito and him and their parents, he just knew it.

After all, not many people knew his favorite flavors.

But this wasn't the time or place, so he accepted both item a pleasant smile and another bow. "Thank you, Kuroba-san, I had a wonderful time. Goodbye."  
And he started back towards his house, unaware of the events he had started by running into Kaito, and how much they would change his life.

--------

End Chapter One  
GOOD GOD I NEED A DIFFERENT ENDING. GAH.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry it took so long! This story requires a LOT of planning, I have about ten billion different little plot twists. But, chapter two is finally up! Hurray!

------

The rest of Shinichi's weekend passed without event. His good mood had faded a little, however, when he had checked his caller ID to see something around twenty calls from Ran's phone number. She hadn't left any messages, though, which was odd, and since he really didn't think she had actually wanted to talk to him, he didn't try to call her back.

He had vaguely roamed his house, unsure of what to do. Yesterday had been so eventful that he wasn't quite sure what to do. He had ended up cleaning his house from top to bottom, just in a fit of nervous energy. He had then hauled out his mother's photo albums to pour over them. It helped, slightly, to remember all the fun times with Ran he had, when they had just been friends, with no romance and no expectations.

The photos of Ran with him stopped around first grade, as that's when he had met her. Strangely enough, in the albums of his earlier years, preschool and whereabouts, there seemed to be some pictures removed. He puzzled over it, but decided that his mother hadn't liked them and didn't have more photos to fill in the blank spots she'd left.

He'd eaten the cake Kaito's mother had baked. It had been very good, swet and fluffy and plenty of strawberries. It made him wonder just why they hadn't kept in touch - for someone to know the favorite flavor of their child's friend, the children must have been very good friends. And the Ekoda district Kaito lived in wasn't very far, just a short train ride, and taking two kids to the park together wouldn't have been very hard...in fact, he probably could have gone by himself, his parents had never really cared about that sort of thing. He had walked himself to and from school to come home to an empty house by the time he was six, so a train ride when he was four probably wouldn't have phased them.

Surrounded by memories and still wondering, he had fallen asleep on the sofa.

-------

_He stood by the school's cherry tree, his lunch in his hands. He wasn't going to eai it, though. Not yet. _

He had to wait. Because that's what he did. It just wouldn't be right if he didn't.

It was what he did every day. He'd read somewhere that the word for it was "ritual". It was their ritual. He couldn't abandon it, no matter how hungry he was.

And if he didn't eat his lunch at all, well then that was okay too. He just couldn't eat it without him.

So he stood and waited. And waited. Even until lunch-time was over and he had to go back inside, he had waited. He hid his uneaten lunch in his backpack. Teacher didn't like it when he didn't eat lunch. Before he had learned to hide it, she had sat him down and forced him to eat it, saying it wasn't good for a small child to skip lunch, he was already so small for his age.

She didn't understand. He couldn't eat, not without him. It would be breaking one of the few bonds they still had, one of the few things he could hold on to, could still keep his presence around...

So he didn't eat lunch, and hid it in his backpack so Teacher wouldn't see. And if Professor Agasa always wondered why he was coming over to his house and begging for a meal, it didn't stop the old man from giving it to him. It wasn't like he was starving after all.

He was very proud of himself for not crying. It was something he was getting a lot better at. He couldn't cry, not unless he was there, so he simply didn't.

It didn't really stop the pain, though. It didn't stop him from feeling sad.

Heading back into the school, he turned to look at the tree one last time. In that moment he felt very sad, and very very lonely.

"Come back soon...Kaito..."

-------

Shinichi slowly woke, muzzy and not quite sure where he had fallen asleep or what had woken him. That dream...was that...

The noise that had filtered through his dream finally registered with him, and he sat indentifying it. It was loud, but faint in a way that suggested it was in a different room, somewhere upstairs. It was a very familiar sound, something he always woke up to...

His alarm clock!

He sat up, flinging photo albums that he had forgotten and fallen alseep with everywhere, but he didn't really care. The dream vanished back into his subconcious, replaced by the dread of all over-sleeping teenagers.

"I'm late!" He cried.

--------

Shinichi only just managed to make it before the teacher arrived, thankfulyl saving him from any tardy punishments. He automatically looked for Ran with slight apprehension, today would not be enjoyable.

Surprisingly, Ran's seat was empty. Ran was such a stickler for rules, it was unimaginable that she'd be late. She apparently had decided not to attend school today. He felt a little bad for being so relieved, but he honestly didn't know who he would handle Ran when he saw her again. Or how she would handle him.

Although, he didn't know how much of a relief that was when he saw Sonoko glaring at him.

Lunch was not going to be fun today.

------

Shinichi quickly remembered why you didn't your back on an angered Sonoko, even if you had simply forgotten about her and were reaching for your lunch.

His lunch was grabbed out of his hands, and suddenly he was _covered_ in it. Sonoko had upended it over his head.

The classroom was suddenly very quiet.

Sonoko slammed the empty bento box down onto his desk. _"Kudo-kun._"

He decided it might be best to wait for her to finish.

"You are the absolute _worst!_ How could you dump Ran like that? You've been going out for _three years_ now, Kudo-kun, she _loves you_! You don't even deserve her! Ran could do so much better than you just walking down the street!"

"Suzuki-kun!" The teacher's voice cut through her lecture, casuing both to start; Sonoko turning with a guilty look on her face, Shinichi looking up from where he had been quietly staring at his lap.

"If you ahve personal issues with Kudo-kun, Suzuki-kun, please settle them out of class. This was disruptive and disrespectful. You'll report to me after class, do you hear me? Kudo-kun, go clean yourself up."

Shinichi quietly got up to follow the teacher's orders, silent except for a subdued "Yes, sensei." Sonoko gave him a glare, as if blaming him for getting her into trouble.

Thankfully, aside from a muttered "He never eats it anyways," from Sonoko, the class waited until he was out of the room to start talking.

------

Shinichi walked home in a considerably worse mood than he had woken up in. At least he'd managed to get his uniform clean before the food did too much damage - wearing his gym uniform home would have been embarrassing.

It was just like Sonoko to pull something like that. Now the entire school knew by now, thanks to her. _And_ he hadn't gotten to eat his lunch.

Well, truthfully, Sonoko was right and he never really ate his lunch for some reason, but it was the _principle_ of the matter.

He sighed, frustrated. He'd undoubtedly have to put up with about a week's worth of questions from his classmates, especially as he was made out to be the bad guy by Sonoko, and he didn't have the heart to contradict that. He'd made Ran suffer, after all.

"Ah? If it isn't Kudo!"

The voice, eerily similar to Shinichi's own, snapped him out of his reverie. That voice...!

"Kuroba!"

The other teen was walking towards him, grinning. "Hey! What a coincedence running into you again! Do you live around here?"

Shinichi, after a few seconds, managed to shake himself out of his shock and smile back. "Yes, I live on Beika street, just a little ways down from here. What are you doing here? Don't you live in Ekoda prefecture?"

Kaito halted in front of Shinichi, leaning forward a little. "I do, but there's this great restaurant near here I love, so I was going to get a bite to eat, since I'm hungry. Hey, wanna come with me?"

"That sounds good, I'm hungry too-eh?" A sudden noise interrupted their conversation, and it took Shinichi several seconds to recognize it as his cell phone. "Ah, I'm sorry, Kuroba..." He fished it out of his jacket, fumbling and trying to not drop it. He finally managed to get it open, but it decided to stop ringing then. "Ah, I missed them. I don't know that number..."

"Hey! We have the same cell phone!" Kaito cheerfully stated, leaning forward to look at it closely.

"Eh? You have this model too?"

"Yup!" Kaito held out his own, which, true to Kaito's word, was identical to Shinichi's, aside from the clover charm that dangled from the cell phone strap.

"So we do. That's an interesting charm you have. Let me guess...'clover' for 'Kuroba', right? Where did you get it, I haven't seen any like that in the stores I've been in..." Shinichi unconciously leaned forward to get a better look, then realised how close he was getting to Kuroba and pulled away with a faint blush.

"In a nearby trinket store, actually. We can stop there on the way to get something to eat. Wanna go?" Kaito cheerfully rattled on and turned to start walking again, taking no notice of how close they'd been. Shinichi found himself nodding and falling into pace behind Kaito with no thought. Shaking himself, Shinichi decided to think about it later.

------

About half an hour later or so found Shinichi and Kaito sitting in a restaurant booth. Shinichi had laid his menu flat on the table, and Kaito was leaning over the table, chattering happily and recommending the best dishes to his new friend. Shinichi listened with half a mind, absently deciding what he wanted to eat, but his attention kept drifting back to his bookbag and the small, unassuming paper bag that resided within.

They had stopped by Kaito's trinket store on the way and browsed for a while. While Kaito had been distracted in the back of the store, Shinichi had found the same clover charm the other teen had. There was only one, and the old man running the shop mentioned that it was the last of it's model. Shinichi had mulled that over, and before he knew it it was bought and paid for and in a little paper bag in his hands.

Kaiot had asked what he had bought, and Shinichi had had a minor heart attack. He managed to fudge off that it was nothig special, but he spent the walk to the restaurant alternately blushing and wondering what the hell he was doing.

That was a very good question, actually. He'd never been like this in his life! He'd never been so...submissive before. With Ran or any other person he choose to hang out with, usually he voiced his opinions on where he wanted to go and what he wanted to do. But with Kaito he just had followed, content with what the other teen had suggested. He guessed it was because Kaito was so interesting. They could probably go to a place Shinichi didn't like or find fun, and still enjoy themselves, because somehow the other boy's presence just _made_ it enjoyable. He just liked being with Kaito.

Inexplicably embarrassed by his thoughts, Shinichi concentrated his full attention on the menu. Kaito was happily expounding on a magic trick, and Shinichi listened and made noncommital noises. That was, until something Kaito's rather endless stream of happy chatter his ears caught something interesting.

"...and then Kid's used a variation of this trick on his last heist, and pulled it off splendidly. Gave the police a big surprise!"

Shinichi looked up from the menu, blinking. "Kid? Who's that?"

Kaito paused in his speech. "Well, um...he's a world-famous jewel thief that uses sleight-of-hand to steal and fool the police. He tells the police he's coming and always returns his heists. I really respect him as a magician, actually." The teen rubbed the back of his head, almost nervously. "I mean, you probably think it's stupid to admire a criminal, being a detective and all, but..."

Shinichi tilted his head to the side, interested. "He returns what he steals? Isn't that redundant of the whole point of stealing?"

"Well, if you're after money, yes..." Kaito admitted slowly. "But he isn't. No one knows for sure what his goals are. But he does give a great show. You should watch it sometime."

"A thief who isn't a robber..." Shinichi murmured half to himself, monologuing out loud to . "How interesting. His goals...I'm not surprised the police force is only interested in catching him, they never understand that criminals usually have good intentions behind thier crimes. Hmm. I may indeed have to look into that. Perhaps not chase him, though, just to ask him questions. I would love to know..." He fell silent, contemplating.

So absorbed in his thoughts, he didn't notice the uneasiness Kaito had developed during his brief speech, which faded into sort of a relieved resignation at the end. When the food came and Shinichi looked up, it was entirely gone, no hint it had even been there.

---Tsuzuku---


	3. Chapter 3

The first part of chapter three! Whee! Tahnk you to all my reviewers!

------

It had been a few weeks since that meeting in the rainstorm, and Shinichi found himself spending more and more time with Kaito. Ran had returned to school, but generally acted very distant - smiling sadly at Shinichi and sticking with her girl friends. It pained Shinichi, to think he had lost the one good friend he'd ever had besides the mystery dream child, but Shinichi couldn't bring himself to make up with her. It was still too fresh to her, still an open wound, and besides, Shinichi wasn't even sure if he wanted to be that close to her again. She didn't need him giving her false hopes again. He knew he wouldn't be able to resist those tear-filled blue-grey eyes again, and he needed to. For both their sakes.

Kaito, however, was quickly filling the space Ran had left, fitting smoothly into Shinichi's life as if he'd always been there. Within just those few short weeks Shinichi found himself addressing Kaito by his first name with nothing attached, a rare privilege once only Ran had been close enough to obtain, and he found himself not caring when Kaito did the same to him. Sometimes he looked back on a week and realised he'd spent nearly every day with Kaito, and he couldn't find it in himself to mind. He genuinely enjoyed being with Kaito, and he didn't think he'd ever get tired of the other teen.

Shinichi smiled, sitting at his desk and studying a picture. It was very recent, taken just a few days ago at the park. Kaito grinned widely at the camera, flashing a victory sign as Shinichi stood slightly behind him, smiling more sedately but just as happily.

Kaito was just so vibrant, so lively and energetic. Every day was an adventure, whether it be random magic tricks or that one day where Kaito had ended up climbing a telephone pole to escape a fish or just a new and exciting subject to talk about over an early dinner. Shinichi found himself laughing genuinely at least once a week now, if not once a day or more, when before he couldn't even remember the last time he'd laughed.

All in all, he was very happy he'd met Kaito, but sometimes wondered about why they had become so close so quickly. Something about them had just clicked, like it had always been there. Like finding that one piece to puzzle that you'd been searching for for hours to find it had been right under your nose the whole time.

Not to mention something else bothered him about Kaito. Something he couldn't quite place his finger on, that kept slipping out of his memories like sand. It was the way Kaito's mother sometimes looked at him oddly, or how sometimes Kaito seemed to know exactly what Shinichi would want without even asking, or when Shinichi found himself doing whatever Kaito asked him without question, or even without minding.

Shinichi sighed and put the picture down, before pushing away from the desk to grab his cellphone and a jacket, heading for the door. Turning to smile one last time at the picture, Shinichi flipped off his light and went out to go meet Kaito at the park. he could worry later, he had an ice cream date to keep.

------

"Shinichi!"

He turned at the call, a smile stretching across his face.

"Hey Kaito, you're actually on time for once."

The other ground to halt in front of Shinichi, panting a little. "Yeah, no thanks to Aoko. Wouldn't let me get out the door today practically...came over to deliver something I'd forgotten at her house sometime and wanted to know where I was going and what I was doing and all that. Really, she's worse than my mother."

Shinichi shook his head, smile still in place. "She's just worried about you. It's nice she does. Someone needs to, after all."

Kaito made a face, before falling back onto his usual pleasant smile. "So! Wanna go get our ice cream now?"

He nodded. "Yeah, sure. I still think you're crazy for wanting ice cream when it's getting close to fall, but at least it's not too cold yet."

Kaito began walking, Shinichi falling in step beside him automatically. "Naaah, it won't get too cold for several weeks yet. And then we can go out for hot cocoa instead."

"You and your sweets..." Shinichi began, before he was interrupted by a large hand clapping onto his shoulder and spinning him around.

"Why hello there, detective geek. Having fun with your boyfriend?"

Shinichi mentally groaned at the three beefy teens that stood before him. Sakada, Toshikawa, and Ushiro. Great. Though Shinichi wasn't exactly popular, per say, his status as a detective and star soccer player had earned him his place in the school, and more people were nice to him than not. These three, all upperclassman, however, seemed to take Shinichi's rise in the popularity ladder personally, especially when they saw the elementary school's shrimp and know-it-all actually making something of himself in the world of high school politics. Shinichi had thought he'd never have to deal with bullies again once puberty put brains in their head, but apparently he was wrong. Or maybe these three had just traded in their brain tickets for extra brawn. They hadn't bothered him in public since Ran had started punching holes in walls to get them to back off, but now that Ran was distant to him and he was more alone, they had started back up.

"He's not my boyfriend. What do you guys want?" He growled at them, annoyed. He wasn't scared of them hurting him, he could hold his own even against three brawny teens, but they were something of a nuisance. He just wanted them to leave him alone.

"Oh, nothing much. Just saw you walking with this guy here and thought we'd be polite and introduce ourselves to him. Give him a little rundown, y'see." Sakada grinned nastily.

Shinichi bristled, ready to just lay them flat himself for even daring to insinuate about bothering Kaito, but he was suddenly cut short as Kaito stepped in front of him, glaring.

"Hey, I don't think I need your rundown. We were just fine until you people showed up. Why don't you just leave us alone?"

Shinichi blinked. This was...

Ushiro snorted. "Look, he's standing up for his boyfriend. How sweet."

Kaito scowled. "Look, we're nothing like that. Why don't you and your friends go find little elementary kids to terrorize, I thought that was in the job description of a bully. Then again, I thought there was an age limit on that job, looks like I'm wrong. Just leave us alone."

Toshikawa laughed out loud. "Ha ha, how funny! Think you're witty, don't you? Well, we've been _real_ good buddies of this guy here since he was a little know-it-all in elementary that ran crying at the littlest thing, like falling down from a pat on the back."

Shinichi tensed, fists clenching. So what if he had been something of a weakling back then...he was still learning how to stand on his own two feet back then, and Ran couldn't protect him from everything. That didn't mean they had to bring it up in front of Kaito of all people...

And here he was, getting bothered again. What was wrong with him, really? Why could he never handle the words? Why couldn't they just have thrown a few punches and got it over with? Why did they always have to taunt him?

Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

Gritting his teeth, Shinichi turned and very determinedly walked away from them, down a path into the trees. He wouldn't give them a fight, not one he would lose inevitably. Kaito called after him, but he ignored it. Once he was out of sight, he started running.

------

Sighing, he slumped against a tree trunk, feeling drained. He had ran for a few minutes, before coming to this little clearing and deciding to just rest here and wait it out. He'd call Kaito on his cellphone when he was ready to deal with people again. He just needed a little while to build his shields back up, to get his strength back...that was all...

Really...how pathetic. In high school and still attracting bullies. Real cool there. No wonder no one had really approached him, wanted to be his friend. Sure, he was smart and athletic. Sure, he got fanmail. But he really was just a detective geek, a shrimpy little know-it-all, just like that trio always said. Well, he wasn't so small anymore, but he had to admit, his build didn't lend itself well to "big and impressive", always staying slender and lithe. Curse the fact that he seemed to be doomed to take mostly after his mother - small and slight and pretty.

Sighing again, he leaned backwards, looking up into the tree's branches and prepared to just have a nice pity party, get it over it, and then find Kaito and resume having a good day.

His vision of the leaves, however, was suddenly obscured by a tan circle with a pink ring, surrounded by white and being held by what appeared to be the bottom side of a hand and arm. It took Shinichi several seconds to realise he was staring up at an ice cream cone.

"Here."

Shinichi blinked, following the arm to discover the body it was attached to.

Kaito stood, smiling at him pleasantly.

"Ice cream always makes everything better."

Slightly dazed, Shinichi found himself reaching out and taking it. He looked at it automatically, checking the flavor.

Strawberry. With sprinkles.

"Why did you run away?"

Shinichi started, looking back up. Kaito's smile was gone, replaced by a concerned expression. he looked back down at the cone. With a dry throat, he managed to rasp out some sort of explanation, the surreality of the moment threatening to overwhelm.

"It's silly for you to have to stick up for me...just didn't want to deal with them. Should be able to take care of myself, right?"

Kaito shook his head. "You never have to deal with things like that. And you don't have to be able to take care of yourself. It takes a long time to learn how to do that, my dad always said. Here, let's go for a nice walk while we eat our ice cream and clear our minds. Enjoy this like we were supposed to." He held out his hand.

Shinichi took it in a daze, Kaito pulling him to his feet with ease. Kaito set off down the path, and Shinichi walked beside him in silence, mind whirling.

Shinichi stared at the ice cream cone in his hand. That had played out almost exactly like that one dream, minus the crying on his part. Kaito was working on his own ice cream, and Shinichi automatically glanced at it to see what it was.

Chocolate. With every imaginable topping you could find at a little ice cream cart.

His hand involuntarily tightened. The cone cracked a little, but Shinichi didn't notice.

It couldn't be...

------

They enjoyed a nice walk through the park, Kaito chattering animatedly as Shinichi replied more sedately, still trying to wrap his mind around the possibility.

It seemed...so far-fetched. Like something out of a bad novel. Really, being seperated for all these years and then randomly running into each other in a rainstorm? It was more than a bad novel, in fact, he was pretty sure he had read this plot in one of his mom's romance novels.

What were the odds? Really...maybe the dream wasn't a memory at all. Maybe he was just silly. After all, he couldn't bring the memories up himself, he could only remembering dreaming about the events. The only problem with that theory was how his brain could create such a detailed rendetion of his past if it never happened. After all, it wasn't like he could remember anything else around that time period. Maybe he really could have been friends with Kaito, or some other boy that he practically lived side by side with, did everything with, promised to wait for him and marry him...

Shinichi stopped dead in his tracks, staring straight ahead in horror. He...he'd promised to marry him! Vaguely registering Kaito's concerned voice but not responding, Shinichi tried to rearrange this fact. Okay. So they were four at the time. They loved each other as best friends. They had no idea of male and female and what true love really meant. To them it was just a convenient way to stay together forever. Right?

Shinichi took a deep breath, faintly shuddering. Right. It didn;t mean anything like..._that_. It couldn't. It had to be that.

Confident that that had been worked out, Shinichi finally focused back into reality to only realise that Kaito's face was mere inches from his own, worried and almost frantic. Blushing, Shinichi took a step back and dropped his head, murmuring reassurances to Kaito. Damn it, this whole mess had him confused, had him associated "Kaito" and "marry" in the same sentence, which he really shouldn't be doing. Kaito was just his friend.

He really needed to go home, to make himself some spaghetti, have a nice dinner, then curl up in a blanket with some coffee and just sort things out before he became too confused and started thinking strange things, like how blue Kaito's eyes looked and maybe that promise wasn't so bad and...gah!

Shaking his head, Shinichi forced the matter into the back of his mind, determined not to worry over it and not worry Kaito, who seemed pretty concerned at this point. Smiling at the other teen, Shinichi decided to ignore the matter until he was home and just enjoy the rest of the evening.

They were slowly walking out of the park, idly talking about nothing when a solid mass seemed to appear in front of them when they reached the top of the stairs.

Shinichi looked up and felt his stomach drop. Sakada, Toshikawa, and Ushiro were back.

And they had friends.

Kaito was obviously not happy with the situation, once again placing himself between Shinichi and the other group. Shinichi found himself staring over Kaito's shoulder, torn between feeling annoyed that Kaito thought he needed protecting, and slightly warm that Kaito thought he was _worth_ protecting.

The warm fuzzies were soon destroyed, however, by the menacing grins the group donned. Shinichi bit his lip, feeling nervous. He couldn't handle them all by himself, and he didn't want Kaito to get hurt on his account. And they were spreading out, preventing running in any direction except back down the stairs.

Ushiro smiled a nasty smile. "Now, great detective...you can't run from us. You were a little rude, just leaving our little friendly chat like that. Took us a while to find you again. Better reimburse us for all our lost time. And...I think it will be coming out of your precious boyfriend's pocket." He glared at Kaito.

Kaito growled back, obviously not intimated. "Bring it, you cow. You won't be able to lay on a finger on me."

Shinichi found himself shaking his head, dazed. This wasn't supposed to happen. Kaito shouldn't have to have been dragged into all this. But it was too late, one of the punks suddenly charged Kaito, obviously incensed by his words. Kaito started, he had been watching Ushiro off to the right and this one suddenly charged from the left. He turned, but the thug was already almost on Kaito and Kaito had realised he wouldn't be able to react in time from the look on his face and he wasn't prepared-

Shinichi found himself moving before he knew it and he was pushing Kaito out of the way, just in time-

Only to be hit himself and sent staggering backwards by the force of the blow. Disorientated, he backed off, trying to come back to his senses and put some distance between him and thug, forgetting his surroundings for a brief, terrible moment as he steeped backwards once more and his foot met nothing but air.

For a moment, time seemed to pause, and he could the realisation dawning in Kaito's eyes. Then time moved again and he fell backwards. Instinctively trying to catch himself with his foot, he cried as it slipped off the concrete and twisted under him, and he lost all his footing and fell.

For a brief moment, all Shinichi knew was a swift blur. Everything twisted and hurt, and something sharp felt like it had glanced off his head. Then suddenly his world stopped as he landed at the bottom of the stairs heavily. He lay there for a brief moment, not able to think of anything as voices filled his head.

"Oh my god he fell!"

"Shit we'd better get out of here!"

"Come on!"

"Shinichi!"

The last voice brought him to his senses, but suddenly he wished he were dazed again as pain washed over him, informing him that his body wasn't meant to fall down cement stairs. He curled up on his side, whimpering.

"Shinichi! Are you okay? Oh my god, _Shinichi!_"

Kaito's panicky voice brought him slightly of his pain haze, some of it fading away at just hearing the other's voice. Warm hands touched his shoulders gently, and Shinichi found himself relaxing and more of the pain fading. He squinted his eyes open, and Kaito's blurry face came into focus, panicked and distraught. When he noticed Shinichi looking at him, some of his tension seemed to literally drain out of him.

"Oh god, Shinichi, are you okay? You hit your head on one of the stairs...it's bleeding...thought you had a concussion and wouldn't wake up again...can you move? Does it hurt too badly? I can call an ambulance..."

"Kaito..." Shinichi managed to rasp out. "I'm okay..."

It was true. Aside from a sharp pain on the side of his head - presumably from hitting his head - and another one in the ankle he had twisted, most of the other pains were just fading back into general sores aches telling him his body wasn't happy. He pulled himself to a sitting position, wincing.

Kaito's arms were around him and supporting him immediately, and even through the pain Shinichi felt himself blushing. Damn it, why couldn't he stop blushing around Kaito now? Did the knock on the head from the stairs knock even more screws loose?

"Are you really okay, Shinichi? I'll call the hospital, get you checked out..."

Shinichi riased his arm, forestalling any more of Kaito's semi-panicked babble. "No, really, I'm okay Kaito. Nothing some bandages and painkillers won't fix." The pain in his head concurred, sending a sharp spike through hmi at that moment, and he winced. "Just...I need to go home."

Kaito shook his head. "No. You're coming home with me."

Shinichi sighed, feeling frustration bubble up within in him. "Kaito-"

"No, really Shinichi." Kaito's eyes locked with his, pleading. "I can't leave you alone to take care of yourself, and who knows if your house has a proper first aid kit anyways, you're always so opposed to medicine...I won't call the hospital, but please Shinichi, come home with me. I need to make sure you're all right."

All of Shinichi's protests and frustration died with that, the look on Kaito's face and his words blowing them away as if they were nothing, replacing them with a strange warm feeling.

He was blushing again. Damn it.

He managed a wobbly nod, wincing yet again as his head protested. "O...okay. I'll go. It's not far, right...? I don't think I can walk on this leg for long..." He gathered his other leg underneath him to attempt to stand up.

Kaito's arm immediately went around his torso, gently pulling him to a standing position. Shinichi tentatively put pressure on his right leg, and hissed at the pain. It was sharp, and indeed hurt, but it wans;t unbearable, which meant he hadn't broken it at least. He automatically wrapped an arm around Kaito's shoulders and neck to help keep his balance.

"Are you okay, Shinichi? I might be able to carry you home, it's not that far..."

Shinichi shook his head furiously, then groaned at the pain that caused. He opted for speaking instead. "No...that's all right...I'll be okay. Just...let's get to your house, okay..?"

Kaito nodded, still not looking convinced. Slowly they headed for Kaito's house.

------

It was amazing, really, that all Shinichi had to do to turn Kaito into a headless chicken was fall down some stairs.

Shinichi sighed, exasperated. "Kaito, it's just a few scrapes and bruises, and maybe a sprain. It's nothing to worry about."

The other teen wasn't convinced. "But what if the scrapes get infected? What if you fall again because of your ankle and hurt yourself more? I...I've got to make sure you're okay! Wait...wait right here! We have a first aid kit somewhere, I know we do!" And with that Kaito quickly spun and pratically ran out of the room, thankfully missing the redness that had spread across Shinichi's cheeks at his ramble.

Really, he wasn't _that_ badly hurt...Kaito was badly over-reacting. For someone who was normally so in control, ever since an early age, this was definitely odd behavior. Almost like Kaito just didn't know how to handle Shinichi being hurt. It was a little wierd...not that he minded being fussed over, actually. Shinichi blushed hartder, and studied his now-scuffed jeans intently. Really, what was with him and his thoughts lately? Admittedly, suspecting that Kaito was that mysterious childhood friend who'd promised to marry him one day was a little off-putting, but these thoughts usually didn't even relate to that. Except maybe the marriage part. It was almost like...

Biting his lip, Shinichi turned redder than ever and delibrately shoved all thoughts out of his head. He settled back with a sigh, determined to just wait for Kaito and not ponder exactly where his thoughts had been going.

------

Thirty minutes later and considerably less determined to wait, Shinichi stared at the ceiling frustrated. How long did it take to find one first aid box?

An odd noise caught his attention, and he blinked. That sounded like a faint crash...from somehere upstairs?

"Kaito? All you all right?" He called out.

Silence. Another crash. Kaito's voice sounded annoyed, but not responding.

Shinichi bit his lip, before just deciding to hell with it. Slowly struggling to his feet, he was relieved when his leg protested much less that before. Probably still sprained, but not as bad as it had first seemed, and he could walk - well, hobble - with freedom.

He managed to climb the stairs, slowly and one at a time. The farther he got, the louder the noises became, indicating they were coming from upstairs. From the general vicinity of the recreation room, to be exact.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Shinichi leaned against the wall, panting for a moment. That climb had taken a lot out of him. But the noises were clearer now, and he could hear Kaito's frustrated voice continuously from the rec room. Why would he be in there looking for a first aid box?

Shinichi limped into the rec room, where the noises were coming from. He blinked at the potrait, now a wide-open door propped open with a broom. A secret room? Well, Kaito would have one, just for fun...

He managed to walk closer, calling out Kaito's name once or twice, though the other didn't respond. Shincihi reached the door and peered inside.

And had to hold onto the frame as his mind processed what he was seeing.

There was millions of things, from balloons to smoke bombs to gadgets Shinichi couldn't even begin to fathom the use for. But he knew they had some use.

Because he'd seen Kid use all of them.

Kaito was rummaging through all those things, muttering something to himself about finding some bandages he'd known he'd used last time he was hurt. He didn't quite seem to notice Shinichi standing there, taking it all in as he suddenly realised it all made sense now. Kaito's random disappearances, his defense of the Kid, why he wasn't availible some nights...

Kaito turned swiftly, knocking soething that swayed gently, and Shinichi's eyes were caught by the fluttering white silk. The icing on the cake. Kid's suit and cape, hanging neatly from some overhead wire. The tophat, monocle, and what looked to be the rest of the outfit sat on a shelf nearby.

It just had to be. Kaito had to be Kid.

So engrossed by the hanging outfit, Shinichi had tuned out Kaito until he heard something clatter to the ground. He turned instinctively towards the noise, to find Kaito staring at him with something akin to horror.

"Shinichi...?"

------


	4. Chapter 4

------

Kaito stared at him wide-eyed, as if Shinichi was the last thing he'd expected to see, clearly in plain shock.

It was probably the truth.

But, almost as if a switch had been flipped, Kaito suddenly surged into action, grabbing a box and sliding out of the room, letting the portrait fall closed as he began pushing Shinichi back out of the room, babbling frantically.

"Really, Shinichi, you shouldn't be walking, it's not good for your injuries, and while you're at it why don't you just forget what you've just seen. Dad just liked to cosplay. Yeah. I found the first aid kit, so let's go fix you up and watch a movie and totally forget everything, kay?"

Shinichi let himself be pushed, Kaito's babbling fading into the background as everything clicked and made sense. Kuroba Toichi died eight years ago. The first Kid disappeared the same time. He'd bet he'd find a pretty good date correllation with that too. And of course a son would want to honor his father...especially if the father had some grand purpose like Kid seemed to have. And Kaito never did like to talk about Kid, and was never around on heist nights...

Really, it had to be true.

Hands pushed on his shoulders, and Shinichi blinked as he realised that Kaito had led him out the recreation room and all the way back to the living room and was sitting him down on the couch. He'd been too absorbed in his deductions to notice. Kaito was still babbling, running through the same dialogue as he shakily opened the first aid box, hands trembling almost too much to undo the catch.

Shinichi sighed, reaching out and covering Kaito's hands with his own, steadying them and undoing the lock for him. Kaito looked up at him, startled, and Shinichi almost flinched at the blind panic and fear in his eyes. Kaito honestly thought that Shinichi would hate him now.

But, despite all he'd been taught, Shinichi couldn't. He could no more blame and convict Kaito than he could sprout wings and fly.

But...he still needed to know. Because he wanted to understand.

"Kaito..." he murmured softly. "I can't forget such a thing. I'm sorry, but the evidence is against you."

Kaito took a deep breath, letting it out in a long sigh.

"I guess...there's no convincing you otherwise...? You really believe I'm Kid..." He murmured, dropping his gaze to his hands as he pulled out a deck of cards and began shuffling them nervously.

Shinichi shook his head. "It's too obvious...you have to be the Kid. There's just no other way."

Kaito closed his eyes, holding the cards tightly. "You sure I can't just trick you and you'll believe it? It'd make everything easier..." He laughed weakly.

The detective flinched a little - he didn't want to do this to Kaito. But he wanted to know why, and he was not going to be denied.

Even if it was Kaito, the person rapidly becoming the most important person to him.

Kaito sighed again, leaning forward with his elbows on the table, steepling his fingers as his blue eyes regarded Shinichi with a piercing, extremely serious stare.

"So, Shinichi...now that you know I'm Kaitou Kid, what do you intend to do about it?"

There it was, the question he wasn't sure how to phrase the answer to.

He wouldn't pursue Kid - he couldn't, not now. Not when it was Kaito. Somehow, something deep inside of him just revolted and flat-out refused to contemplate the idea. Well, Father would be disappointed, but that couldn't be helped.

"What I intend to do..." Shinichi began slowly, "...is to ask you a question."

Kaito watched him with those blue eyes, the worry and fear still present in their depths. Shinichi only hoped he didn't do anything more to add to those fears, only allievate them if he could.

So he steeled himself and looked directly back at Kaito.

"Why are you Kaitou Kid?"

The other closed his eyes, slumping faintly as if admitting defeat. "Do you want the short reason or the long story?"

"The long story, please." He wanted-no, needed to know. He had all the time in the world, after all. When it came to Kaito, he'd wait forever.

Kaito took another deep breath, spreading out the cards between his hands, studying them carefully. "Well, you know how my dad died and everything..."

Shinichi nodded silently, merely sitting and trying to be as open as possible. He didn't want Kaito shutting him out, not now.

Plowing on, Kaito continued. "Well, it wasn't an accident...it was a planned murder. He'd been the original Kaitou Kid - I'm sure you're figured that out by now - and a few years before his death he'd been hired by an organization to find a certain jewel. Well, after a while he realised how bad of a group they were, and he resigned from them. They didn't like that too much, especially as he began searching for the jewel himself, in hopes he'd get it first. And well..." Here Kaito paused, closing his eyes and sighing. "They got him out of their way."

Shinichi reached out to touch Kaito's shoulder, unable to help himself. He was tense under Shinichi's touch, and Shinichi knew how difficult this story must be to tell. So he decided to move the story along. "What's this jewel? Is that why you're Kid? To find the jewel first as well?"

At his touch, Kaito relaxed slightly, nodding. "Yeah...don't know if half the stuff I've heard about what it can do is true, but..." Kaito's eyes hardened, his voice low with determination. "People are willing to kill for it, so I'm not taking any chances. I have to find it, so that evil organization will never be able to use it."

"I see" Shinichi murmured softly, gaze turning inward as he digested this new information. An evil organization. A supposedly magical jewel. A quest partially for justice, and partially for the good of all.

It felt like some bad fantasy novel. If he'd heard it from anyone else, he'd have scoffed in their face.

But it was Kaito, and therefore Shinichi had no choice but to believe. Nodding to himself in resolution, he looked back up at Kaito, his determination shining in his eyes.

"I'll help you."

This caused Kaito to double-take. "What...Shinichi...?"

"I'll help. You're up against a really bad, big organization, right? You need someone to help you. So please, Kaito..."

Kaito shook his head, almost numbly. "Shinichi...I can't...what if you get caught by them? I've been doing this for almost two years now, I can take care of myself. You don't need to feel obligated, this is my fight. You don't need to be dragged into it..."

"Kaito." Shinichi was firm. "I'm a detective. I just can't sit back and let you do this on your own, not when it's you it's happening to. I'm sure I could be of some help...I could investigate in ways you can't as Kid. You really do need the help...who would help you if you got captured? So please..." Here Shinichi reached out unthinkingly, grabbing Kaito's hand, and the retort that Kaito had been forming seemed to die on his lips as his face softened.

"Please, Kaito...I just want to make sure you'll be safe..." He whispered, almost to himself, and Kaito squeezed his hand softly.

Kaito studied him for a long while, before sighing. "I'm not going to change your mind, am I? You're going to insist on helping me if I like it or not."

Shinichi merely nodded. He wouldn't let Kaito be alone in this anymore.

Flopping back onto his heels with a sigh, Kaito merely shook his ehad. "Better with me where I can keep you protected than flying off the handle...allright, you can help. But please, Shinichi, only do what I ask, don't go running off willy-nilly to investigate."

Shinichi couldn't help the happy smile. "Of course, Kaito, whatever you want." He happily sat back himself, satisfied with the current situation, when suddenly Kaito moved, coming up to sit on the couch beside him. SHinich barely was able to turn towards him, question on his lips, when Kaito suddenly wrapped his arms around Shinichi, drawing him into a tight hug. Shinichi felt himself freeze - Kaito was entirely too close for comfort right now and all the thoughts that had been forced down by the current crisis surged back up, and Shinichi licked his lips in a desperate attempt to compose himself. He was now far too aware of how warm Kaito was and how strong and comforting his embrace felt and how nice he smelled and all sorts of thoughts he really shouldn't be thinking.

"Thank you..." Kaito murmured, barely audibly, and suddenly Shinichi's discomfort faded into the background. "Thank you...for accepting me..."

Helplessly smiling, Shinichi settled into Kaito's arms. "For you...I would accept anything."

Kaito pulled back a little then, giving him an equally helpless, almost vunerable smile, and Shinichi found himself wrapping his own arms around Kaito, returning the hug as he rubbed Kaito's back soothingly. It must have taken so much for Kaito to admit all this, and Shinichi felt rathered honored Kaito had considered him worth it. It was the least he could do to accept him. He couldn't help but accept him.

"Thank you." Kaito repeated softly, hugging Shinichi tight. And Shinichi hugged back, laying his head on Kaito's shoulder as he gave into the feelings Kaito made him feel. There were worse things to feel, after all.

So long as he remained by Kaito's side, that was all that mattered.

------


	5. Chapter 5

------

To be frank, Shinichi wasn't quite sure what to make of things now.

After Kaito's secret had come out and been accepted, they'd made a few plans in case either one of them ran across Kaito's organization, and had several long discussions about what to do, but other than that...things just returned to as they were. And Shinichi wasn't sure if he was happy about this or not.

On one hand, the tension Kaito had always seemed to have about being Kid had drained away, and Kaito was far more relaxed and open than he ever had been, discussing anything and everything with Shinichi with a sincerity that hadn't seemed to been there before. He also took the oppurtunity to touch Shinichi as much as possible, draping himself over him while they were sitting and giving him spontaneous hugs.

On the other hand, Shinichi could not stop blushing. Especially when Kaito decided to be touchy. Shinichi was now aware of Kaito in a whole different light - everything Kaito did, even something as simple as put his hand on Shinichi's shoulder, had all these _thoughts_ popping up in his head. Thoughts that added to the spontaneous blushes...enough that several times Kaito had asked him if he had a fever, and had felt Shinichi's forehead with his own - an action that just made the blushes deeper.

It wasn't that he disliked the touches, oh no - he liked them. And that was the problem right there. He liked them a little too much.

He just wasn't sure what to DO about it. He didn't want to keep embarrassing himself in front of Kaito, or - heaven forbid - let Kaito find out about all these new feelings and thoughts Kaito was making in Shinichi. Thoughts like maybe that marriage promise from long ago wasn't so silly, if it was Kaito, and maybe next time when Kaito wrapped his arm around Shinichi's waist his hand would go lower-

Slamming the lid shut on _that_ train of thought, Shinichi leaned back in his desk chair and decided to think about the other unsettling development in their relationship - the undeniable evidence that Kaito might very well be that long-forgotten best friend from his younger years.

It was...unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome. It did feel sort of nice to think he'd found him again, and that they quickly were just as close before. Judging by how easily they had fit back into each other's lives, it might as well be their fate to be together. And Shinichi couldn't quite find it in himself to object to that.

The only problem was that Kaito seemed to be as unsure about it as himself. Lately he'd been giving Shinichi sidelong glances out of the corner of his eyes, as if Shinichi held some secret Kaito couldn't quite reach. Shinichi wasn't quite sure how to respond to those glances - other than blushing more, damn it - and so decided to keep quiet about them. Kaito would tell him in due time. Hopefully.

Speaking of Kaito, it was almost time for their meeting. They had made plans to discuss Kid's activities over dinner. Although, knowing Kaito, he'd drag Shinichi five different places first, making sure Shinichi was having fun and had totally forgotten about the original purpose of the visit, and only when Shinichi was worn out and half-asleep on Kaito's shoulder on the taxi ride home would Kaito bring it up again.

Shinichi had a sneaking suspicion Kaito was rigging all these "talks" about Kid just so Shinichi would play with him.

Now if only he could stop getting his hopes up about what that meant.

Sighing, Shinichi stood and stretched, grabbing his jacket and shrugging it on. Picking up his camera - Kaito would find _something_ Shinichi had to take a picture of, Shinichi was sure - he headed out the door.

------

It was just like Kaito to choose an amusement park for this sort of stuff. Shaking his head in amusement as he followed Kaito to yet another game booth, Shinichi decided to give up on the whole talk issue and just follow Kaito around until the other decided to talk.

So it was a great surprise and some relief when Kaito turned to Shinichi with a smile, holding a stuffed bit if fluff in his hands - his latest prize from the booths - and spoke to Shinichi.

"Come on, let's go find a nice bench and talk. There's something I wanna talk to you about."

Hardly believing his luck, Shinichi nodded and followed Kaito to a small, out of the way bench where they weren't likely to be overheard. Sitting on the bench next to Kaito, Shinichi looked over and watched him fidget witht he stuffed prize for a minute. It was a little stuffed white dove, apparently. Odd, but perfect for Kaito.

"Shinichi," Kaito suddenly blurted. "Whenever you're with me, do you ever get...some...strange memories, you know?"

Blinking, Shinichi sat back a moment to process that. It wasn't what he'd been expected at all. But strange memories...? Was it possible...that Kaito was talking about that time long before? If that was true, then that meant Kaito really _was_ the friend from back then...

Looking down at his hands and watching them wring themselves with almost disinterest, Shinichi quietly responded. "Strange memories...as in...this isn't the first time we'd done something like that together...?"

Nodding, Kaito almost seemed relieved. "Yeah...like that...so, Shinichi...did you ever have a friend when you were little? That...that moved away from you and you can barely remember?"

Well, that definitely sealed it. A small part of Shinichi almost relaxed, glad that the long mystery was over. But a greater part of him was now flooded with something close to embarrassment and almost wonder. The revelation that Kaito had been that loyal friend, had been so close to him, and then they had gone and _forgotten_ each other was almost shameful. But also...it meant that Kaito knew all those little things about him, that Kaito was close to him and was close again, that he'd never had a person who knew him so thoroughly...well, it was making the blush come back, that was for sure.

Nodding, Shinichi bit his lip and didn't look up from his hands. "Yeah...I do. I guess...that means...you were that friend, huh?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kaito's cheeks get a little red too in the fading light. "Yeah...guess so..." He trailed off into a nervous laugh, fiddling with the stuffed toy again.

They sat in silence for a while, both too embarrassed to speak at the moment. Until Kaito took a deep breath, gathered his courage, and shoved the dove towards Shinichi. "Here."

Shinichi stared at the white bit of fluff. "What?"

Gesturing the doll weakly towards Shinichi, Kaito laughed again. "Well...I sort of wanted you to have it, so I got it for you. I didn't give it to you where others could see, cause they'd say stuff, but...it's for you."

There went the blush again. Shincihi kept staring at the stuffed animal, trying desperately to ignore the heat in his cheeks. Gods, he must look like a tomato now. "For...me?" He managed to get out, hands automatically coming up to hold the small thing. Kaito gave him a nervous smile. "Yeah, for you."

He looked at it. To be honest, he wasn't quite sure what to do with the thing. He didn't really care for stuffed animals, not to mention the sort of things people would say should they see the thing or ask where he got it. Never mind what his parents wuold do if they ever saw the thing.

On the other hand...he really couldn't bring himself to refuse. And it was sorta sweet, he guessed. And it was making his cheeks turn redder.

"T-Thank you..." He managed to get out, pretending to be absorbed in the doll so he didn't have to look at Kaito. If he had to look Kaito in the face now, he was sure his face would explode from all this blushing.

He could feel the tension drain away from Kaito, and the smile he heard in Kaito's voice was genuine. "Well, then! Why don't we go fetch dinner at the restaurant here and then head home? I'm getting sort of tired."

Managing a nod, Shinichi stood with Kaito and followed Kaito to the restaurant, face still cast down as he tried to hide his flush.

The only relief he had was that he was pretty sure Kaito was blushing too.

-----

Dinner was uneventful. Shinichi had gotten over his embarrassment enough to smile at Kaito and hold a decent conversation, although every time the dove caught his eyes, he'd end up blushing again, and there were a few awkward moments where Kaito and Shinichi looked at everything but each other, faces tinged with red.

But now Shinichi was full, satisfied, and pleasantly tired. They slowly strolled through the park, gazing at the bright and garish carnival lights that surrounded them. Despite the loud sounds of merriment from all around, Shinichi felt rather peaceful.

They stopped for a moment on a bridge over a small, man-made river that ran through Tropical Land. Nobody else was in the vicinity, and the sounds were faded enough to provide some sort of quiet atmosphere. The neon lights reflected on the rippling water, creating a rather beautiful display. Shinichi leaned on the railing and gazed out over the water, dove tucked securely into his jacket.

"It's a lovely night, isn't it?" Kaito murmured, leaning on the rial next to Shinichi. "Can almost forget you're in the middle of an amusement park."

Nodding, Shinichi smiled. "Yeah...it's a nice place. It's been a nice night in general."

"So it has..." Kaito murmured and stared down at the water, as if he was trying to decide something. After a moment, he gave a small nod to himself, and turned to Shinichi, resolve shining in his eyes.

"Hey...Shinichi? Will you let me do something?"

Blinking, Shinichi turned to face Kaito. "What is it?"

Suddenly nervous, Kaito glanced back at the water for a second, rubbing at his neck nervously before nodding again, stepping close to Shinichi. The sudden close proximity and the intent gleaming out of Kaito's eyes caused Shinichi's cheeks to flare with heat again, and he foudn himself holding his breath unconciously. What was he...?

Before Shinichi had time to complete his thought, Kaito's hand grasped Shinichi's chin gently but firmly, lifting it up, and before Shinichi could form the words to ask Kaito what he was doing, soft lips were pressed over his and Kaito was kissing him.

It didn't last very long, but it was enough to completely short-circuit Shinichi's brain of any thoughts he might have had. After a few seconds, Kaito pulled away, his face beet red as all his resolve faded, used up in that one move. He rubbed at his hair nervously, beginning to babble as he backed away.

"Really sorry about that Shinichi, I just thought that I had to do it, at least once, cause it seemed like a really good idea at the time and I wouldn't mind doing it lots more times but you probably don't want that so I'm going to go home now and I guessI'llcallyoutomorrowbye!" With that, Kaito turned and almost ran from the park, obviously embarrassed.

Not that Shinichi had really noticed. He stood in the exact same position, mind completely blank since Kaito's lips had touched his. For a few moments he remained like that, floating detached and almost feeling fuzzy, before everything crashed down on him.

If he thought his cheeks had been red before, oh man, they practically felt on fire now.

Staring at the ground, Shinichi desperately tried to make sense of it all. Kaito had...Kaito...he'd kissed him. Kaito had kissed Shinichi.

And...and...deep inside, Shinichi was ludicrously happy about this fact. Blushing even harder, Shinichi turned and absently began to make his way out of the park, trying not to let the happiness bubble up and overwhelm him. The blush was doing that just fine.

Well...if...if Kaito had kissed him, then...it might be that those thoughts of Shinichi might not be so far-fetched after all. And even through his embarrassment, he felt himself smile. Well, Kaito _had_ run away, but...likely he'd just been as embarrassed about the whole ordeal as Shinichi was. And Kaito said he'd call tomorrow, right? Maybe...maybe SHinichi could get him to come over, and he could see if it wasn't just a one-time deal...

Absorbed in his thoughts as he was, Shinichi was fairly observant of his surroundings, and lately he'd always been on the lookout for anything black, due to helping Kaito. And so when a person clothed entirely in black, down to sunglasses at night, ran past Shinichi and into an alley of the amusement park, it snapped Shinichi out of his daze and back into the present.

Pausing a moment, Shinichi studied the alley, before nodding and running down it, tailing the man in black. Maybe he'd finally found a lead for Kaito! He considered calling Kaito, but decided there was no time, and surely Kaito was out of the park by now. And he _did_ bring his camera, after all...surely shadowing this guy and getting some evidence would help bring down the shadowy organization responsible for Toichi's death.

Hiding behind the convenient corner of a building, Shinichi watched the man in black make a deal with some corporate CEO over gun smuggling. This was looking more and more to be on the right track. Surely he'd found a lead to this powerful crime organization. Fishing out his camera, Shincihi began to quietly photograph the scene.

So intent on the scene in front of him, Shinichi didn't hear the soft footsteps on the grass behind him, and until a deep, rough voice stating "This is the end of your detective game!" spoke behind him, he was oblivious. He turned, but not quite fast enough, and the whistling of air over a thin, metal object was all the warning he had before something slammed into the back of his head, causing pain and stars to explode behind his eyes, and he fell to the ground, dazed.

Through the pain-filled haze, he heard them muttering something about "taking care of him" and an untraceable poison. He tried vainly to struggle, to call for help, something, but his body was unresponsive to his commands, and he lay still as a hand roughly grabbed his hair, lifting his head and forcing a pill down his throat.

His head was dropped back onto the grass, and with a cruel laugh, the two in black departed as if they'd never been there.

For a moment, Shinichi tried to move, tried to at least get up, call out, get his cellphone and call Kaito, _someone_, but then a wave of pain hit him, so intense it knocked the air out of his lungs.

It seemed to drag out forever, and Shinichi wondered if this was what it was like to die. His entire body felt like it was melting. No...he couldn't...he still...he had to...tell Kaito...

Then the pain faded away and he fell into a blissful, unknowing darkness.

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	6. Chapter 6

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The dim sounds of laughter and delight filtered through the darkness, dragging Shinichi from blissful unconciousness.

Groaning faintly, his body was completely unresponsive to his efforts to move it for a few minutes. Remnants of that burning pain still echoed in the depths of his body, sparks running up and down his limbs before they began to slowly fade away. Blearily, Shinichi managed to force his eyes open.

At first, the dark grassway was completely unfamiliar to him, and he stared blankly at the scenery arund him. Dark buildings loomed overhead, the night sky peeking through, and he was laying on a soft carpet of grass. Over one of the buildings arched...a ferris wheel?

Memories came rushing back, and he groaned again, softly thumping his head against the grass. He'd been so _stupid!_ How many times had he seen the detective caught because he'd rushed into things and the bad guys had found him? He was lucky to be alive, that the new poison they had apaprently was a dud.

Such a close brush with death caused him to shudder faintly, and he closed his eyes again. Kaito was going to kill him, he knew it. Kaito had only agreed to allow Shinichi to help in the first place to keep him from running off half-cocked, trying to solve it on his own. And here he went and did just that. And got himself poisoned. He'd never hear the end of it.

And they'd stolen his camera, too.

Taking a deep breath, Shinichi forced his aching muscles to work, and after a few wobbly moments, managed to sit up. He experienced a small moment of brief vertigo - man, when did those buildings get so big? He didn't remember them being that big before he'd passed out...

Shaking his head, he clambored to his feet and attempted to walk forward.

Only to trip over the hems of his own pants and fall to the ground again.

Dazed, he lay there for a moment, unable to comprehend what had just happened. How had he tripped over his own pants? They'd been a perfectly normal length before, bought recently and sized to his height. Sitting up again, he looked down at himself in dumb amazement.

Why...why were all his clothes so _big_?

He raised his arms, watching the sleeves of his jacket dangle at least six inches off his fingers. The pants looked to have at least four times that much. His feet had inches to spare in his shoes. It was a miracle that he was thin enough that his pants just hadn't fallen right off when he'd stood up the first time. He wondered if he was dreaming.

_This is the last time I EVER choose classic English literature for a school project..never touching Alice in Wonderland ever again..._ Shinichi thought to himself as he began numbly rolling up the legs of his jeans and the jacket's sleeves until his feet and hands poked through. Tightening the laces on his shoes, he managed to stand again, feeling a small amount of absurd pleasure when everything stayed on him as it should.

Shinichi remained in his numb frame of mind as he began trudging out of the park, pushing down the growing panic and hysteria over how not just his clothes were big, but _everything_ was. People towered over him, booths that had been to his waist before now over his head. He was beginning to have a sinking suspicion that maybe not everything had gotten bigger, but...he'd gotten _smaller_.

Once out of the amusement park and staring into his glass reflection in a storefront window, Shinichi saw his suspicions confirmed. His reflection stared back at him. It was still him, yes...just a him from about ten years ago. It was like looking at a photo album, when one sees old pictures of themselves that they recognize as themselves, but can't quite believe they had really looked like that or been that small. Shinichi had much the same feeling, only much more magnified as he wasn't looking at a picture, but his own, actual reflection. He'd _become_ the picture.

Reaching out to trace his face in the glass in numb shock, the part of Shinichi's brain that wasn't stalling over this new revelation began churning. He had to get home, to someone he could trust. Agasa was best. He'd explain everything to the elderly scientist and get advice. He was going to have to lay low for a while, that's for sure. If those guys found him still alive, they probably wouldn't hesitate to come after him again, this time with methods much more sure and proven than experimental poisons. Shinichi...Kudo Shinichi would have to disappear for a while, and in his place there would ahve to be a small child.

Shinichi's shell-shocked body obediently followed the instructions, turning towards home and setting off at as brisk a pace his still-sore legs would allow.

He swore to himself he wouldn't break down until he was in bed, at least.

---

Almost a week later, Shinichi sighed as he curled up on the chair in his library, cradling a mug of coffee in his new, tiny hands. He and Agasa were at a bit of a loss at what to do. Agasa had agreed with Shinichi immediately, saying it was much too dangerous for those men in black to know they had failed to kill him. So, for now...Kudo Shinichi would have to appear to be dead. But other than that...neither was sure what to do.

Agasa had suggested sending Shinichi to live with Ran, and use her detective father as a resource, but Shinichi had refused. He refused to put Ran into such a situation, and besides, he wasn't as close to her as he had been. Living with her now would just be far too awkward...he hadn't even talked to her for months, it seemed. Shinichi had also refused to go to his parents, knowing they'd just drag him off and put him on house arrest in Hawaii or somewhere to keep him safe.

Which meant Shinichi had been more or less hiding out at the professor's, laying low and sneaking back into his house when the coast was clear. He'd taken care to hide both his clothes he'd worn that night and anything he normally carried on him around the house, in places they wouldn't be found. It wouldn't do to seem to have returned to his house by leaving his cellphone and such in plain sight.

Sighing again, Shinichi shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. Agasa returned from his house just then, ambling into the library. Just as the old man opened his mouth to address Shinichi, there came a furious knock on the door.

Both of them startled badly, Shinichi just managing to keep his coffee from spilling over onto his legs. Biting back a curse as he set the cup on the desk, he gave Agasa a glance as he slid out of the chair and underneath the desk. The professor nodded, heading off to answer the door. Shinichi huddled under the desk, straining his ears to hear who it was. He didn't need to, however, as the professor greeted the visitor loudly, and Shinichi felt his blood run cold.

"Kaito-kun! Whatever are you doing here at this time of night? Don't you live in Edoka?"

_Kaito...oh no..._ Gulping, Shinichi huddled further under the desk. He'd completely forgotten that Kaito had said he'd call him the day after! He'd hidden his cellphone and turned it to a silent ring, so he hadn't been able to hear it...of course he must have gotten worried when Shinichi never answered, and had finally gotten the courage to come check up on him. Shinichi couldn't help the faint groan as he rested his head against the desk. Of all the worst timings...he must have seen the professor come in and assumed Shinichi was home.

Footsteps padded through the house towards the library - obviously Kaito had decided to search Shinichi out. "I'm looking for Shinichi, Professor...I've been calling him for days now and he's never answered! I've asked everyone else, but he hasn't been to school and nobody's heard from him. I got really worried, so I came to check...have you seen him at all?"

"I'm sorry, I can't say I have, Kaito-kun...I'm not sure what happened to him." Agasa's worried voice came from nearby. They were inside the library.

"Oh...I see. Where could he have gone? It's not like him to disappear and not tell anyone! What if something happened to him...?" The plain fear and worry in Kaito's normally controlled voice went straight through Shinichi, and he bit back his small pained whimper as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the cool wood. Kaito...

He wanted to tell Kaito. He wanted to crawl out from here and run to the other boy, to tell him he was alright, he was alive, that Kaito didn't have to worry about him. He didn't want to hurt Kaito by hiding from him, causing him to worry like this. He didn't want to disappear from Kaito's life until a cure was found.

But he couldn't. Not only would it put them both in danger, but should Shinichi ever be found by those men in black again, and Kaito was found to know...and if they investigated Kaito and found him to be _Kaitou Kid_...no, he wouldn't allow it. He had to keep Kaito safe, even if it meant hiding and lying to him for the rest of his life. Even if it meant Kaito forgot all about Kudo Shinichi. Shinichi couldn't help the small whimper, thumping the wood in frustration as he felt so _helpless._

The gravity of his mistake was revealed when Kaito's voice, now laced with curiosity, spoke up. "What was that noise?"

_Oh shit..._ Eyes wide, Shinichi scooted away from the footsteps he could hear approaching. He edged towards the left side of the desk, ready to bolt. Agasa had stalled Kaito, but only for a few moments...any minute now Kaito would poke his head around the desk and find him...

As he glanced around desperately for an escape route, a glimmer inside a drawer of the desk caught his eyes. His father's glasses! Pulling out the frames, Shinichi grinned. He couldn't run or hide, but he could maybe disguise himself enough to not be immediately recognized as a shrunken Kudo Shinichi. He forgot, however, what glasses were primarily used for when he sat them on his face and suddenly the world swam.

_That's right, Dad has a pretty strong perscription_... Shinichi thought idly as he lost his balance due to his swirling vision, falling out from behind the desk and right in front of Kaito. Gaining the presence of mind to sit up and quickly face away from Kaito, Shinichi just managed to pop out the lenses from the frames and slide the frames back on, praying that Kaito wouldn't realise the glass was missing, as firm hands grabed his shoulders and he was gently but firmly forced to turn around and face Kaito.

For a long moment they merely looked at each other, studying each other's faces. Shinichi felt his spirits sink further when he noticed the miniscule signs of strain aruond Kaito's face. Invisible to a normal person, but for those who knew Kaito, the signs were obvious. He'd obviously been very worried about Shinichi...first from his phone calls never being answered and possible rejection, and then worry had changed to fear when he'd gone looking for Shinichi and he was missing. He'd caused Kaito so much trouble...

Something indescribable crossed Kaito's face, and Shinichi tensed again, hoping against hope that Kaito hadn't recognized him. But it was smoothed into a smile, as Kaito gave him a bright grin. "Hello! And who might you be?"

Shinichi paled again. Of all things to forget, he'd forgotten to choose a name in case he _was_ found. Where was his brain?

"Um..." He stalled as his eyes darted around the room, looking for inspiration, rescue, or an exit. Agasa's wide-eyed stare told him rescue wasn't likely, and Kaito's hands holding his shoulders in a tight grip prevented escape. He needed a name, and finally his eyes came to rest on the spines of several books. Inspiration saved him with a flash, as it usually did.

"Conan!" he blurted out, weakly grinning. "I...I'm Edogawa Conan."

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	7. Chapter 7

-1Kimi Ga Oikaketa Yume

Chapter 7

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The newly dubbed "Edogawa Conan" continued to smile weakly at Kaito, hoping that the new name, the glasses, and the fact that anyone shrinking would be such an absurd idea to any normal person that they wouldn't think of it at first would keep Kaito from guessing who he really was. And, well, Kaito had left when they were really young…maybe he didn't remember Shinichi's young face, and so he wouldn't be suspicious…

"Conan…? Like the author of Sherlock Holmes?" Kaito tilted his head to the side in curiosity.

And now to add to his troubles, he'd managed to pick himself a name that sounded like he was some foreign kid with a geeky dad. He laughed weakly. "Um, yeah…my dad's a big fan, so…"

"Sounds like what Shinichi would name his own kid…" Kaito said, shaking his head, and it took all Shinichi had to not grimace and complain. He wasn't _that_ much of a mystery geek! "Anyways, Conan-kun, what are you doing here? I haven't seen you before…"

Shinichi's mind began racing. Cover story, he needed a cover story… "Um…I…I'm a relative of Shinichi-nii-chan! Yeah! And I came to live with him, cause my parents have to do a lot of business travel and they can't take me…but Shinichi-nii-chan isn't here at the moment, so the Professor's been watching me…" There, it explained why he was there and why he looked like Shinichi in one go. It was amazing how that just changing certain facts of the truth made an excellent lie. Well, he _hoped_ it was excellent - if Kaito didn't believe him, he wasn't sure what he'd do. The story he'd mindlessly babbled out had been the best he could come up with, and he wouldn't have time to make another…

"Is that so…" Kaito said, more to himself, and Shinichi tried his best to not panic and just run away from Kaito. _Please believe that…please believe that…_ he mentally chanted, doing his best to smile innocently up at Kaito.

Kaito then smiled at Conan, and whatever Kaito was thinking, it was quite firmly hidden away. "Is that so? It must be hard, coming to live here away from your mom and dad, and then Shinichi's not even here…" Kaito suddenly looked over his shoulder. "Is it all right, Professor? To take care of him? Last I saw, your lifestyle really isn't one to take care of a little kid…"

"What? Oh!" Agasa managed, before laughing nervously. "Well, that is true, I've had to make do with what I have, but my place really isn't the best place for a little boy…that's right, Kaito-kun! Why don't you take him home for a bit, until Shinichi comes back?"

"What?" Both Shinichi and Kaito said at the same time, though Shinichi's voice was considerably more surprised and panicked - he couldn't live with Kaito, he'd be found out within days! Kaito was smart, was an expert at reading people, and he knew all of Shinichi's habits and mannerisms…one slip-up and he'd be done for - hell, he might be done for just by being there, slip-up or not!

"Well, it's okay with me…and I'm sure Mom won't mind, just have to ask her…" Kaito turned back to smile at Conan. "Well, Conan-kun? Would you mind coming to live with Kaito-nii-chan for a while? I'm a good friend of Shinichi's, so I'm sure he wouldn't mind!"

_Yes I would! I very much mind this!!_ A smile stayed on Shinichi's face through sheer force of will. "Um…can I talk with the Professor about it…? I…I wanna make sure it's okay, and that Shinichi-nii-chan or my parents would be able to find me if they come back…"

"Sure, Conan-kun…" Thankfully, at last Kaito's hands dropped from Shinichi's shoulders, allowing him to run over to the Professor. He hissed angrily at Agasa, making sure his voice wouldn't carry to Kaito.

"What the hell are you doing!? Kaito will find me out, there's no way he wouldn't!"

Agasa leaned down, bright smile on his face as if he was comforting Conan so Kaito wouldn't get suspicious, and he whispered back just as quietly. "Listen, Shinichi, I can't return you to normal without a sample of the drug that poisoned you in the first place, and to return you need to make sure those guys are out of the picture so they won't come after you again! And didn't you say Kaito was the reason you investigated them, from his dad's death? He might have the information you need!"

Shinichi's eyes widened. While he hadn't told the Professor about Kaito being Kid - that was Kaito's secret alone, and he wouldn't tell that to anyone, even under pain of death - after he'd been shrunk, he had admitted part of the truth - that the guys in black had been responsible for the death of Kaito's father, and they'd been investigating them together. He _knew_ Kaito had information on them - hell, he'd helped him get some of it - and was the most likely to get any new information. And if he wanted any way to return…to take out those guys for himself and Kaito, then he needed that information. And he needed a way to get to it…and if he lived with Kaito, he'd be able to. Even if his disguise didn't last long, it'd be long enough to do what he needed. This was the best chance he'd ever get to find out where those guys were - investigating with no leads would take twice as long in his normal body, and he didn't want to think of how long it'd take in this form, where he could no longer directly ask questions. So long as he lived with Kaito…do his best to keep up his disguise until he had his hands on what he needed…then he could put an end to all this. He just needed to take out them once and for all, so Shinichi could return to Kaito's side - in his real body, in the way he should be with Kaito, instead of this pathetic mask…

He grinned at the Professor, showing he understood, before turning around to don his best "little kid" mask, smiling brightly as he ran back to Kaito. "The Professor said it's okay, so I can go home with Kaito-nii-chan!"

Kaito smiled at him, reaching out to ruffle Shinichi's hair. "Well then kiddo, shall we go? It's late, and I don't want to miss the train. Do you need to pack anything before you go?"

"Um…" Shinichi bit his lip. Crap, he hadn't thought of that…he'd been using his old clothes that his mother had thankfully kept, and everything else that a normal person would pack he couldn't take - they were all Shinichi's. The lie wouldn't keep up very long if he had to say he was "borrowing" Shinichi's toothbrush - or at least, the toothbrush Shinichi kept at the Professor's house. "I…my parents kinda left me here suddenly, so I don't really have anything…"

"Well, that's okay…Mom's kept my clothes from when I was little, and they should fit you pretty well, so don't worry about it. We can just come back and get anything you need anytime. Now, let's go!" Kaito stood up, taking Shinichi's hand and smiling at the Professor. "Well, we'll get going. If Shinichi comes back or calls you or anything, could you tell me? Same with this kid's parents…I'd like to know anything you find out, especially about Shinichi…"

Kaito's voice trailed off slightly as he said Shinichi's name, and Shinichi's grip on Kaito's hand tightened a little. He didn't want to hurt Kaito, but he had no choice. Shinichi couldn't come back, not yet.

After saying goodbye to the Professor, they headed out and for the train station, walking most of the way there in silence. It was kind of odd, he felt, to walk holding Kaito's hand…though the teen had always grabbed his hand to drag him someplace or something, they'd never just walked hand in hand. It felt nice, and yet…Kaito was holding his hand because he was a kid, so he wouldn't wander off and get lost. He was holding his hand to keep him close and protect him, because he believed that "Conan-kun" wouldn't be able to take care of himself on his own, that he couldn't walk and stay by Kaito unless held there. It felt nice to be protected, and yet…and yet…Shinichi didn't want to be. He wanted to be strong like Kaito had told him to be so long ago, wanted to stand on his own two feet, wanted to stay by Kaito's side out of his own power, and not just because Kaito saw him as someone to be protected.

He wanted Kaito to hold Shinichi's hand, not to protect Shinichi, but just to keep them linked together…

"Conan-kun?"

Lost in his thoughts as he was, it took Shinichi a minute to respond to the unfamiliar name. "Ah, yes, Kaito-nii-chan?"

"Do you…really not know anything about where Shinichi went…?"

To anyone else, Kaito's voice was just questioning, but Shinichi could hear the faint pleading in it. It was as if Kaito didn't really know what to do about Shinichi missing, how to handle the fact that something might have happened to his friend and he might never see him again. It was almost the same as when Shinichi had fallen down those steps and Kaito had panicked…as if he didn't know what to do with his worry, didn't know what to do when something happened to Shinichi that was out of his control, didn't know what to do when Shinichi was in a situation he couldn't save or protect him from…

Shinichi almost flinched at that thought. He…he wasn't the four-year-old Shinichi anymore, the one that couldn't deal with anything and hid behind Kaito. He wasn't the weak little kid anymore that couldn't do anything without his best friend by his side to protect him, wasn't the kid who couldn't save himself. He had grown up…he could take care of himself now, could handle his own situations without Kaito needing to hold his hand. He no longer needed that hand for guidance…he just wanted to hold it because it was precious, because Kaito was important to him. He was independent now…could be with Kaito just to be together, and not because he had to lean on him…

He looked up at Kaito. The other teen was staring at the ground, face lost in thought. And yet, through the thoughtful look, he could sense the sadness and worry, the fear that Shinichi might never come back. That they might once again be separated, this time forever…

Despite everything, despite his need to walk on his own, and to protect Kaito and everyone else, he almost broke down and told Kaito right then and there who he was. He didn't want to cause that sort of pain, no matter the consequences. He didn't want Kaito to hurt anymore.

But…no. He couldn't. He couldn't put Kaito at that kind of risk, couldn't give those guys a reason to go after Kaito as well. And…he wanted to prove himself. Wanted to prove to Kaito that he could return safely, that he could take care of himself and come back on his own without Kaito having to save him. Wanted to prove that Shinichi was strong enough to do so, that Kaito didn't have to worry about him leaving his side, because he had the strength to always return.

He took a deep breath, before forcing a weak smile on his face. "I…I'm sorry, Kaito-nii-chan…he was gone before I got here, so I don't know anything…"

"I see…" That distant look remained on Kaito's face for a moment, before it was gone, replaced by Kaito's bright smile. "Well, it's probably nothing to worry about…he's probably run off and gotten himself stuck in some interesting case, and just doesn't have the time to come home yet, and too excited about it to tell anyone where he went…I bet he'll show up sooner or later, babbling about the case and everything in it. He's always like that after he solves one of his cases." Shaking his head, Kaito looked down at Shinichi, smile still in place. "Now, we're almost to the station. We'll be home in just a few minutes, and then I'll show you to Mom and everything. You'll like it there, I promise…hey, you might not even want to leave when Shinichi comes back. And you can tell Shinichi all about how you got to live here, bet he'd be jealous…"

Still with that bright smile, Kaito pulled him gently towards the station, chattering on about his house and other nonsense as he looked ahead, not really down at Shinichi. Shinichi stared up at Kaito, unable to help the wistful expression on his face as he made a silent vow.

_I'm sorry, Kaito…for having to lie and use you like this…but I promise, Kaito…I'll return Shinichi to you. I'll give him back, a Shinichi you can proud of, one who has the courage to return your kiss… Your Shinichi will come back to you, always, I promise…_

_No matter what._

His grip tightened on Kaito's hand again.

No matter what.

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	8. Chapter 8

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Sunlight glinted in through the window at a different angle than it normally did, forcing Conan's eyes open and squinting against the glaring light. Whoever decided windows should be clear to receive the suns rays should be shot.

Once his vision cleared enough to see, he stared blankly up at the unfamiliar ceiling. Certainly not in his bed or at the Professor's. Where...?

Oh yes. Last night. Kaito. He was in Kaito's house, in the spare bedroom.

He rolled over and buried his head underneath his pillow, groaning. Last night had gone over about as well as trying to sell refrigerators to the Eskimos.

Oh sure, Kaito's mother had been absolutely thrilled with taking Conan in - because she, quite obviously, knew who Conan was. Damn it. There was no mistaking the knowing looks she gave him - telling him that while Kaito's memories of being four years old were practically gone, hers _weren't_, and she remembered quite well what Shinichi had looked like when he was young, thank you very much. At least she hadn't pressed the issue - just gave him the "we'll talk later" look and went about treating him like the seven-year-old he appeared to be. Conan dreaded that talk as much as he dreaded the meeting with the local elementary school later today.

Kaito...Conan wasn't so sure about. He felt that he had him fooled, for now, but there were the looks when Kaito thought Conan wasn't paying attention, the ones with Kaito's sharp blue eyes fixated on Conan. He obviously knew something was up. Usually, the suspicion faded when Conan pulled something remarkably childlike, but it always came back.

Forget fooling them long enough to get the information he needed, he'd be found out within the week. Why had he agreed to this again?

With a sigh, he pulled the pillow off of his head and sat up. He might as well get up, for all it was only six-thirty. Child in appearance he may be, he wasn't about to fall into other childish habits.

Sliding out of the bed and absently straightening it up, he set his shoulders determinedly and headed out the door. it was time to face another day. It couldn't be _that_ bad, even if he was found out - he'd be yelled at a lot, but that would be fine. Even elementary probably wouldn't be so bad.

---

Conan took back everything he had thought earlier. Elementary school was a _bitch_.

Kaito had to go to his own school, so it had been Fumiyo to take him in and get him registered - thank god Agasa had the presence of mind to create an identity for Conan during the night, or he would have been screwed.

It was just so...patronizing. None of the teachers and staff had bothered looking or talking to _him_, only Fumiyo, as if his opinion didn't matter at all. Long used to speaking his mind and having his opinion count, it was a low blow. Now he couldn't even be taken seriously anymore. It infuriated him, insulted that just because he was small, people no longer thought his opinions were validated. He was just a "kid" again.

If this was what being a kid again meant, Conan was going to laugh long and hard in anyone's face who said they wanted to relive childhood. God, and he hadn't even started classes yet.

So he had sulked all during the drive home, refusing to be any happier than he had to be. Fumiyo, perhaps guessing the source of his frustration, had wisely remained silent and left him to it.

It just rankled him severely. He already had to censor himself enough to act like the child he appeared to be, now everything else he could say was to be ignored because he didn't appear old enough to be creditable?

One thing was for sure, Shinichi would never ignore kids at crime scenes ever again. This was _ridiculous._

He had fumed and sulked his way into his new room, simply flinging himself across the bed and quite content to stay there for the rest of the day, basking alternately in righteous fury and crippling self-pity. Damn it, he did not want to be like this!

It was like this Kaito found him, sprawled on the bed with his head stuffed under the pillow in mimicry of earlier that morning. It was a habit Shinichi could never seem to cure himself of - when in doubt, shove a pillow over your head and pretend the world didn't exist.

"Conan-kun?" Though slightly muffled, Conan heard Kaito's voice clearly through the pillow. He flopped a hand listlessly - let Kaito take that as he would.

He took it as an invitation, apparently - soft footsteps, then the bed sinking slightly as Kaito sat down on the edge of it. A tentative hand rested on Conan's shoulder - Kaito was being awfully reserved about this.

Oh. Right. He was Conan, not Shinichi. Kaito saw him as a poor little kid who was moved around too much, not as his best friend. A new wave of disgusted pity rolled over him at that thought. This was going to be far harder than he had originally thought.

"You okay, kiddo?" If it were anyone but Kaito calling him that, Conan would have kicked them in the shins. As it was, he made a disgruntled sound.

"Bad day, that's all." He managed, feeling as if some sort of response was required. Maybe Kaito would leave him to mope in peace, or at least throw things against the wall. He hadn't had a good tantrum in ages, and he'd certainly get away with one far better in this form.

"Not wanting to go to school, huh?" And damn it, now Kaito was teasing him. If he really thought Conan was simply upset over having to go to _school_--

Wait, he was a kid now. That would be a devastating blow to a seven-year-old who had perhaps expected to be free of the torment of mandatory education. And he really didn't want to go to school anyways, though his reasons were far different. And maybe talking about it would help relieve the big knot of tension in his chest. Maybe.

Taking a deep breath, he yanked the pillow off his head and glared up at Kaito with what he hoped was his most pitiful pout. "But I don't _wanna_ go! No one listens and I know everything already!"

Whoops, not what he meant to say. Oh well, it would work. Oh, if only his mother could see him now - he could act when he had it in him.

The fact that most of the frustration was real helped, too.

Kaito blinked, before grinning softly and reaching out to ruffle Conan's hair. Conan would have to teach him that wasn't allowed pretty soon, it was entirely too degrading. "I hear ya, kiddo. It's hard to be smart in school. I thought I knew everything when I was your age, too. But sometimes, the teachers will surprise you, yeah? You should just go and listen to them, maybe you'll learn even more."

_Not likely,_ he mnetally grimaced, but managed an appropriately grudging smile up at Kaito. "I guess."

With a laugh, Kaito ruffled his hair _again_ - he was going to lose his hand soon - and stood up. "Well, I'm sure you'll like it a lot better once you get some friends. And if you think you already know everything, you can prove it by bringing home good grades, hmmn?"

Control the sigh. Smile again at Kaito. "Right, Kaito...nii-chan." Belatedly tack on the suffix. Damn, this acting bit was hard.

Wiggling his fingers at him, Kaito grinned and headed out of the room. "Dinner's in an hour, and Mom expects you there, sulkypants. See you then, I have my own homework to do."

Only after Kaito had shut the door behind him did Conan allow the smile to slip off his face. He raised an eyebrow at the door. _"Mister sulkypants"_? Kaito was losing it.

He flopped back down on the bed, both relieved and even more irritated than before Kaito had come. Relieved, because he'd successfully forced back the suspicion in Kaito's eyes once again. He'd played the part of little kid to the hilt, and Kaito had willingly bought it, hook, line, and sinker.

Irritated, because it disgusted him to do that to his best friend/maybe-boyfriend. He hated lying directly to Kaito's face like that, knowing that it was causing the teen relief. Making his friend happy with lies felt so horrible Shinichi could barely place a name on the emotions.

Guilt, mainly. And...pain. Pain that he was being treated the exact opposite of what he had come to long for from Kaito. He wanted to grow up, to be an equal in Kaito's eyes, and then he got a ten-year setback on that scale out of his own stupidity. It hurt so much, to have that "big brother" smile directedly at _him_. And there was nothing he could do to stop that.

In fact, he could only encourage it. The more Kaito believed he really was seven, the safer they'd all be.

And the more it would shove a knife in Shinichi's heart and twist it around. Gods, he felt horrible.

He had an hour to regain his composure. An hour to mentally review in his head which points caused him to appear most realistically childish in their eyes. An hour to plan his acting out, so that he wouldn't slip up. An hour to be himself before he had to waltz out the door, firmly set in the role of Edogawa Conan.

He almost wanted them to find out - it would be far easier on his emotions, except maybe the rampart paranoia of being found out by the men in black. But no, he couldn't. He had to keep at least Kaito oblivious.

An hour.

He pulled the pillow back over his head.

------ 


	9. Chapter 9

------

It was the second time he had awoken in this bed, Conan reflected.

The clock only read five in the morning, but he was awake. Streaks of dawn were only just breaking the night sky - soon, it would be day, and he would have to face another day in this body.

Sliding off the bed, he paused only long enough to shove the thin disguise of his glasses on before padding out of the room.

Kaito's mother was up, if the sounds behind the closed bedroom door were any indication. She would soon be out and about, preparing breakfast.

Kaito was still dead to the world, and would be for a while yet. The other teen had always loved sleeping in, though he enjoyed being up as much as sleeping.

Conan softly closed Kaito's door from where he had peeked in, letting his small hands rest against the wood for a moment, before giving himself a small shake. The less he moped around, the more convincing his little lie would be, and convincing was what Conan needed.

He turned away from the door, letting his fingers trail slowly off the wood, before heading down to the kitchen to wait for breakfast.

---

This morning, Conan decided, had gone from bad to worse.

First, being caught up all alone in the kitchen had earned a scolding from both Kaito and his mother each - apparently, "little boys need their sleep". And then he couldn't drink his beloved coffee. _Damn._

And now, he was being forced to preform a long, ominous march towards his prison for the next seven hours. Damn the schools in this district for working fast! Now he'd been stuck in primary school for god knew how long.

He kept his gaze on his shoes in a mixture of frustration and nervousness. His memories of elementary school consisted mainly of Ran, bullies, and stupid teachers. Without Ran this time around, the school picture was looking just that much bleaker.

Ran...he wondered if she was worried about him. He'd disappeared so suddenly. They hadn't parted on the best of terms, but...she was still his friend, a best one, who had been by his side for years. He should have really tried talking to her a little more, let her worry a little less...

The teacher halted, tugging on his hand to get him to stop, and Conan had to bite his lip to prevent him from snapping at her - he could stop himself, thank you. She smiled down at him, oblivious, and Conan suddenly knew that this year was going to be hell.

The door slid open, many pairs of eyes found him a suddenly interesting target, and Conan felt himself pale, swallowing slightly.

_Really_ hell.

---

After his amazingly embarrassing introduction - of which he avoided a guided tour around the school by scant centimeters - Conan hunched in his chair, hoping he would disappear and he would never have to deal with first-graders, ever again.

He'd forgotten the almost-painful embarrassment that came from being stood in front of a group of small children and being forced to introduce himself. He didn't think he'd ever prayed so hard for the ability to melt back into the blackboard. He was cursing his name choice even more now - if one was going to be in close contact with small children, one never chose a name that made one sound like a retarded foreigner, or hopeless fanboy, or both. At least he'd given the class their daily amusement - it took the teacher a full five minutes to get them to stop laughing.

He focused on the sheet of paper that had been handed out shortly after he'd been sat down and the class had quieted down. The first question read "What is two plus two?"

Conan groaned, very softly, and laid his head down on the desk. Someone, shoot him now.

---

Freedom!

Conan smiled brightly up at the blue sky. School was finally over, and he was free of the prison that his classroom provided. Seven hours of simplistic math, screaming children, and endless repetition was enough to drive anyone insane. Now, just to go home and hide in his room--

"Conan-kun!!"

...--Before the overly enthusiastic trio of children that he had met accosted him. Damn.

He turned, weak grin on his face - strange, wasn't this the way he had greeted Ran the day this whole mess had started, so long ago? "Um, hi...Nana-chan..."

The blonde girl grinned brightly at him, all bubbles and innocence. Her two shadows were present, a tomboyish girl by the name of Mitsuki who was just as enthusiastic as her friend, and a tallish boy named Takuto, who was quiet and unassuming, obviously dragged around by the duo of feminine terror. Conan would feel sorry for the boy, if he was not in danger of falling into the same position himself.

And for a second, as he watched them standing there, a image of himself, Sonoko, and Ran, as they were when they were seven, flashed across his eyes. Strange, even the hair colors matched...

"Hey, Conan-kun, want to walk home with us? You're new! You need friends! We'll be your friends!" Nana grinned brightly at him, and the image of Sonoko faded away. This girl was far less snobby than the other blonde had been at that age.

He continued smiling weakly at them. "Uh, I-I'm sorry, that's nice, but...I've really gotta get home. Like right now. My...my room is on fire and I've got to deal with it! Bye!!" Blurting out the first excuse that came to mind, Conan turned and bolted for the school gates, leaving three wide-eyed children behind.

Only once he had placed a suitable distance of several blocks did he slow down, coming to a halt and resting against the nearest wall, trying to catch his breath, did the lameness of that excuse catch up with him.

"My room is on _fire!?_" He swore softly to himself. "Great, now they'll ask tomorrow if my room and my house is all right, and I'll never get rid of them. Good going, Shinichi."

Shaking his head, he stood and continued on his way home. There was nothing he could do about it, now - he'd just have to suffer the consequences. Including the one of still trying to avoid them and their reaches for childish friendship.

He stopped again, head cocked to one side. Why? Why was he so set against becoming their friend? It wasn't like it'd hurt anything but his pride, and he'd just "move away" from them eventually when he returned to his original life.

Move away. Leave them behind. Ran's sad smile. Kaito's worried face.

Ah, that was why.

He'd left too many behind already, like this. He'd hurt too many to add three more to that list. Even if they never knew who he really was, even if they forgot him, he'd still hurt them if he became their friend and then disappeared, just like he'd done to Ran and Kaito. And even he still remembered that pain, so long ago, when Kaito had disappeared from his life.

He wouldn't cause anyone that pain again, not if he could help it. Not even if it meant pushing them away every day so they'd never get close. In the end, it would be better for them.

With a faint sigh, Conan resumed his walk home.

------  



	10. Chapter 10

  
------

No sooner than Conan had stepped inside and called out "I'm home!", Kaito was walking by him with a pat to his head, heading out the door.

"Take care of the house for a while, okay kiddo? Mom'll flip when she finds out I left you alone, but I should be back later tonight. I trust you to not burn down the house while I'm gone, and I know you know how to use the microwave, so there's some instant ramen for you. I'm really sorry I've got to run off, Conan-kun, but something important's come up and Aoko demanded I come over or else. Take care and do your homework, I'll be home before midnight!"

And with that flurry of words, Kaito was out the door and gone, leaving Conan blinking at the woodwork of the front door.

It was when he passed the coffee table and saw the newspaper that he remembered - Kaitou Kid had a heist tonight. So that's why Kaito had dashed out the door without telling Conan where he was really going. And with Kaito's mother gone until tomorrow morning to attend an old school friend sick in the hospital, Conan was officially alone until Kaito returned.

He sagged in relief. It would be nice to have an evening to himself, so he could be _Shinichi_ without having to be Conan as well. Throwing his backpack carelessly onto an armchair, Conan began padding towards the kitchen, before pausing in mid-step, looking thoughtful.

Kid had sparked a memory - he had been intending to research Kaito's nots on the mysterious organization here, hadn't he? But what with constant surveillance and Kaito not likely to spill all of Kid's secrets to a seven-year-old, he hadn't had time and had let it slip his mind. It would be bad form to try to find them while any of the house's other occupants were home.

But now, he had a wonderful opportunity to do just that.

Resuming his trek towards the kitchen for an early dinner, Conan gave a small smile. It wouldn't help with all the conflicting feelings from this week, but any progress was more progress to returning to Shinichi's life and not having to deal with those feelings anymore.

---

About two hours later found Conan sitting idly on the ledge that was the entrance to the secret hideout of Kid, pile of papers balanced in his lap and cookie jar by his side - if he was going to be stuck as a little kid, he was going to exercise a base right and try to stuff himself with as much junk food as he could while not under adult supervison - looking occasionally up form his papers at the TV inside the rec room. A stack of more papers, binders, and folders almost as big as he was sat behind him.

It had taken a long while - and trying to reach the secret catch at the top of the painting to make it stay open when it was taller than he was had been a major pain in the ass - but he'd found the secret to opening the door and had raiding Kaito's note stash.

He had the TV tuned to the channel televising the Kid heist - it wasn't due for another few hours, but the reporters were already covering the scene and making a fuss every a dust particle changed direction. They claimed it was some sort of "Pre-Heist Special" they did at every heist, but Conan could care less. It was useful to help him keep track of time - as soon as Kaito stole the jewel, Conan knew he would have to work fast to restore the room back to how it had been before he'd been in it, so Kaito wouldn't suspect him.

Deciding nothing new was happening at the heist scene aside from a sparrow very affronted at the reporters invading its roof, Conan returned his attention to his current stack of notes, shoving a cookie into his mouth to hang and munch on as he scanned the words.

Surprisingly, the majority of these weren't written by Kaito - but instead by the previous Kid, the long-deceased Kuroba Toichi. So Kaito's father had been working just as hard as they were to bring down the organization, but he had been a little too late and a little too obvious, resulting in his death.

Having come too close to that fate himself, Conan forced the dark thoughts about following a dead person's path out of his mind and focused on the words being written. Apparently, Toichi had discovered several factions within the group, all having code names after different things. The group working on the jewel Pandora and immortality research were all nicknamed after predatory animals, while the division Shinichi himself had had a little brush with was actually that of the assassination department - those who all named after various alcoholic drinks. There were several other branches, but none would be really related to Shinichi's work - embellizing and the like.

He spent several hours like that, depleting a large chunk of chocolate chip cookies and working through a sizable portion of the notes, though he was still nowhere near halfway done with the whole stack when the crowds went wild over the television - the heist wa sin full swing, and Kaito would undoubtedly steal the jewel any minute.

Snapping closed the current binder he'd been flipping through, Conan stood and stretched, groaning slightly as a kink in his back cracked. Sitting still for so long took its toll on even Shinichi's newly-youthful position, and he had a feeling he was going to be sore from several hours hunched over. Ah well, that was the price to pay, and he busied himself with rearranging the notes just as he'd found them.

He hadn't found out much new - both Kaito and his father had been as depressingly low on leads as Conan himself was. The organization was too good at hiding in the shadows, there was no way they would be taken down by just watching and note-taking.

Conan frowned. He needed a better game plan than this...sitting around and waiting for Kaito and his mother to be in the house, just on the off-chance that Kaito might find something worth-while wasn't a lucrative plan so far, and he doubted it would be. Kaito just didn't work in the right circles for that to happen - the thief could draw them out, yes, and knew their goals, but the only way to do that was in costume, and while Kaito was sharply intelligent and a wonderful multi-tasker, pulling off a heist and trying to lure the bad guys in for a conversation at the same time was too much for even the magician to handle.

_What do I do...?_ Conan bit his lip as he set the last of the files in place, going back to the entrance and moving the cookie jar out of the room before working on the painting's latch. _Okay, think Shinichi...what's the first step needed against these guys?_

The answer came soon enough. He needed Kudo Shinichi - needed the detective's older body and influence. It would get him out of the dangerous situation of being Conan faster, and Kaito could hide him so they wouldn't know Shinichi was back. And to get his body back...

_I need the antidote to this poison, if there is one. Failing that, I need someone who can make it. The professor is a genius, but he always was crap at chemistry and biology, both of which I need..._

He would have to research some more, then. The guys who had poisoned him had said their organization made the drug themselves...so they undoubtedly had a science department.

Conan sighed as he let the painting swing shut, picking up his cookies and heading towards the kitchen to put them away. There was no way he could find the science department alone and without direction, but perhaps there was a way. That would be his priority, then - all information relating to that department and possible leaks to get information from.

Getting an antidote was first and foremost, and the best decision all around. For both his and Kaito's sake.

He was just shoving the jar back into its proper place when the front door creaked open. Once the jar was sure to not fall over, Conan headed for the living room - he wasn't really worried about being caught up late, tomorrow was Sunday after all - but frowned when Kaito wasn't in the living room or entrance hall. Had the other teen already retreated upstairs? Conan had left the house dark - perhaps he thought Conan was already asleep and had not heard him in the kitchen?

He headed back upstairs, looking around curiously. Kaito hadn't even opened Conan's bedroom door - but the other teen's bedroom light was on, the door open just a crack. Kaito appeared to be talking to himself, his voice a soft, continuous murmur. Curious, Conan continued forward and peered into Kaito's room, widening the door just a centimeter more for a better view.

"...And you really ought to come home soon you know...life's really boring without you around to talk to. Course, you may not be coming home at all...but I'd rather not think about that. You've always had a knack for showing up unexpectedly. Anyways, the heist went great tonight, though it wasn't the jewel I wanted, as always...sometimes I think I'm just chasing smoke and mirrors, but...if I was, then you wouldn't be missing, now would you? Well, I better hang up before I wake up Conan, so...please, call back or come home, Shinichi..."

Conan jerked back from the door as if burned, having the presence of mind to angle himself as not to be seen as Kaito snapped his cellphone shut with a sigh, staring forlornly at the small bit of technology.

Kaito...was calling him? But Agasa hadn't mentioned any phone calls to the Kudo house recently...his cellphone! Kaito must be calling his cellphone and leaving voicemail messages for Shinichi...

With a dry mouth and a strange ache in his chest, Conan turned from Kaito's door and headed for his own bedroom, managing to open the door silently and letting it close behind him with a soft click.

Tomorrow, he'd go to visit the professor and discuss his newest plan. Yes, that's what he would do. The sooner they got everything together, the sooner all this would just be _over_ and Shinichi could go back to his nice, normal life without hurting or disappointing Kaito anymore. Yes, that's what he needed to do.

Crawling into bed without even changing into pajamas, Conan reached for his pillow to complete the habit that he was indulging in too often lately, pulling it over his head and blocking out the sound of Kaito opening his door to check in on him.

And he'd get his cellphone, too, and start erasing the messages after he listened to them all.

His voicemail inbox needed to be clear, after all, to make sure Kaito kept calling. It was the only spark of hope he could give the teen, but as long as it was there, it could always be fanned into a flame. So long as it was kept alive...

There would always be room for Kaito in that inbox, even if it killed Shinichi.

------ 


	11. Chapter 11

Kind of short, but I felt we needed a break from the angst-fest that's been going on for at least three chapters now. thwaps Conan Stop wangsting, dammit.

------

A note for my FFNet reviewers: Despite many requests, no, a chapter in Kaito's POV will not appearing in the main storyline. The story wouldn't be any fun then, Kaito's POV would reveal too much about how the story will progress. There are thoughts unfolding in that pretty little head, of course, but you'll just have to wait with Conan for those thoughts to be revealed. :3

On to the story!

------

Life seemed to trickle to a sluggish stop after that night, routine settling in far too easily for Conan's comfort.

It had only been two weeks so far, and yet, he still felt as if he'd only been shrunk yesterday. School was insufferably boring, and to be honest, the home life wasn't much better, filled mostly with dull homework, dodging Fumiyo's pointed looks, and acting childish to erase the doubt from Kaito's eyes.

He hadn't gotten another chance to sneak through Kaito's files yet - if the teen wasn't home, his mother was, and so far it didn't look like Kaito had another heist in the works. So Conan was left with no leads as well.

He _had_ taken his theory to the professor, who had agreed on it being the best course of action, but hadn't had any suggestions on how to do so. Conan, in this small body, was just not equipped to investigate on any level. It was frustrating, maddening, but there was nothing they could do.

At least the trip hadn't been a total loss - he'd spent the night listening to Kaito's various voice messages. The first few had been full of anxiety, as Kaito hadn't been able to get a hold of Shinichi after that fateful night. The next bunch were of a slightly angry persuasion as Kaito scolded Shinichi for disappearing. And lately...they were all full of that quiet worry and almost despair that Conan had heard in Kaito's voice that one night. Kaito's hope about Shinichi returning was obviously fading, and that stung far too much.

Well, hopefully, over the course of his stay here, the fact that the phone service was always paid for and the inbox never getting full would give Kaito some measure of hope, letting him know that someone, somewhere, was listening. And so long as the possibility of that person being Shinichi remained, it would keep Kaito calling. Hopefully.

Such a tenuous thread, but the only one Conan could afford.

He had ground to a halt, he knew. He needed to get out of this rut, to find a new thread to pick up and follow until he found some way to unravel the whole mess his life had become. But like this, he could only hope to grope around in the dark for that thread, and he might always miss it, for the rest of his days...

Well, he couldn't go backwards, and he was getting nowhere like this. He would just have to find a way to go forward somehow, no matter how long it took. And if he stumbled, well...

So long as he got there in the end, the stumbles wouldn't matter.

---

Conan couldn't quite keep the disgust out of his voice as he stared, almost horrified, at the kitchen table. "What the hell is _that_?"

"Language, kiddo! Mom'll have my hide if she hears you talk like that...and it's dinner, what else?" Kaito chided lightly, putting out place settings.

Conan kept staring. Was that miso soup _red_? "That...that is not dinner. That is a nasty nuclear reaction that happened in the kitchen and you decided to put on a plate. It is most certainly not dinner. It looks like it might eat _me_."

"Does not!" The other teen huffed as he pushed Conan into a chair, crossing his arms afterwards. "It's perfectly fine, I tasted it all myself! ...Well, okay, the color's a little funny on some of it, and the rice got a little...black...but it's fine! See?"

Kaito popped a tidbit of...something into his mouth. When he didn't immediately keel over dead, Conan hesitantly picked up his chopsticks, grabbing another of the same thing - he was certainly not touching any of this with his _hands_ - and Kaito beamed at him as he did so. Cautiously, Conan put it in his mouth.

And promptly spit it out again, sputtering and hacking. In the few seconds it had been in his mouth, it had managed to set his entire mouth on _fire_ and leave a rather persistent flavor of burnt charcoal. Holy shit, and he'd thought Ran's mother had cooked bad!

"Conan! Are you okay!?" Kaito's hand was rubbing at his back as the other offered him a glass of water. Conan grabbed it and drank deeply, though the entire glass only served to dull the sensations. He had a feeling his mouth would be burning for _hours_, and now everything would taste like ash. _Fabulous._

Glaring up at the magician, Conan grimaced. "What the fuck did you put in that!?" Ha, let's see Kaito lecture him on language now!

Kaito had the grace to look sheepish. "Um...well, the recipe seemed kind of dull, so I decided to spice it up a little...though I might have overdone the garlic powder, but the curry powder helped with that, and the horseradish made it look a more natural color, and to be honest, I'm not sure what the red stuff was, but it tasted really good! It isn't that bad, I like it!"

"Because all your tastebuds are apparently _dead_." Conan snarled, reaching across the table for the other glass of water in an effort to quench the burning still on his tongue. That's it, he was having instant ramen for dinner. "Haven't you ever heard of moderation?"

"I did moderate! I only used half the bottle of each!"

...Instant ramen for dinner _every_ night Fumiyo was out. "I'm not putting anything you make into my mouth ever again."

Kaito whined slightly, looking crestfallen. "But I tried hard to make it! It's not bad at all, I think it tastes fine...aren't you just over-reacting?"

"_Ever_ again. My tongue is _still_ burning."

The other teen affected the look of a kicked puppy-dog, and Conan concentrated very hard on the awful taste still lingering - and burning, despite his efforts - to not give in to that look. "I'm eating something else. Eat your toxic sludge if you'd like, I'm having something I know won't kill me."

Kaito pouted, and Conan pushed away from the table, intent on the kitchen and something _edible_. Perhaps cereal instead of ramen tonight, the milk would help with the burning.

"Fine! See if I cook for you again!"

"If you do, it'll be too soon!" Conan shot back as he walked into the kitchen, though he had to stop and blink when a laugh drifted after him. He hadn't thought he'd said anything particularly funny, but...

It had been a while since he'd heard Kaito laugh sincerely. It was nice.

With a smile despite his previously grumpy mood, Conan continued to the fridge for milk for his cereal.

It wasn't the life he wanted by any stretch of the imagination, but as long as he could still hear Kaito's laugh, it would do.

------  



	12. Chapter 12

* * *

The hugs were far too easy to get used to, in this body.

It had started the first night Kaito had tried cooking dinner - the other teen, after the mess had been cleaned up, had dropped to his knees and given Conan an abrupt hug, laughing a little and ruffling his hair afterwards.

Still feeling pleased about Kaito's laugh and light mood, Conan had just smiled back up at Kaito and returned the hug like a proper little boy should. he'd gone to bed thinking it was the end of the matter.

But instead, over the past two weeks, as fall finally gave up the fight and snow began drifting down one day in brief spurts, the hugs became more frequent. Kaito found a reason to often just be next to Conan, maybe just lay a hand on his head, or give him a hug before he sent him off to school. Or they'd spend a few minutes in the kitchen, talking about their day, and Conan would find himself on Kaito's lap by the end.

He'd never been very used to touch...his mother being the only physically demonstrative person he'd ever known. Kaito seemed to be that way, too, always touching or hugging people he cared about. And now, it seemed Conan had wormed his way into that circle.

it filled him with slight regret, but it was relieving at the same time. Kaito barely looked at him with suspicions nowadays, just laughing it off when he slipped and said something too adult. Conan's mask was complete - unless he really slipped out, Kaito wouldn't find out, now. He could stay as long as he wanted.

For however long that ended up being. Watching the days tick by without getting any closer to his goal was perhaps the worst thing. There was nothing he could do. He didn't know where to start, where to look...for all he was claimed to be a great detective, he couldn't go away with nothing to go on. He'd even toyed with the idea of tailing Kaito during a heist, to see if any operatives were nearby, but he wasn't quite sure if he could avoid Kaito's senses. And wouldn't that be a talk when they got home?

Conan sighed. Well, there wasn't any use worrying about it for now. Not when there was nothing he could do...

And it wasn't like he minded the hugs, really, but just wished they were given to who he wanted to be.

* * *

"I'm home!" Kaito called out as he entered the house, a little later than usual.

Conan paused only for a moment to call out an affirmation, before digging back into his snack. Soon enough, Kaito trailed into the kitchen following his voice.

"Hey, kiddo, what're you eating? If it's good, I might have some."

Conan responded by holding out a spoonful. "Ice cream. Your mom bought my favorite flavor the other day, so I decided to have some today. It's strawberry."

He hadn't expected the reaction - for Kaito to suddenly get a strange look on his face, as if he was trying very hard to not frown or look sad. He blinked when Kaito shook his head a little, the other teen breaking out a smile.

"Strawberry, huh? That's Shinichi's favorite too. I like chocolate better, personally...so I think I'll pass. Anyways, Conan, I know I promised to take you to the professor's today, but...can we postpone that? I'm tired and school kind of kicked my ass today...I just want to relax."

Frowning a little bit, Conan pushed away from the table and slid to the ground, padding over to Kaito. "It's fine, but...are you okay? You seemed fine before..."

He trailed off. Before he'd seen the flavor of ice cream. Of course, how could he be so stupid? That was his favorite flavor even as Shinichi, Kaito even said so himself...it hadn't made him suspicious, but it _had_ reminded him of his missing friend. The one who just might be dead, for all Kaito knew. Conan mentally kicked himself for forgetting something so callous.

"No, kiddo, I'm really fine...just tired, what with Aoko nagging all day and Hakuba being his charming self...just wanna curl up in my room and be brain-dead." A hand ruffling Conan's hair. "You can take care of yourself for the afternoon, right? Knock on my door if you need anything."

Conan reached up to grab the hand, staring up at Kaito. Maybe...it might help if...

"You miss Shinichi-nii-chan, don't you."

The look Kaito gave him was almost comical, and he would have laughed had the situation been different. As it was, he watched the emotions play over Kaito's face for the one moment his surprise unguarded him. They moved too fast for him to really catch, but the loneliness was there. But soon it was gone and there was the "big brother" smile again, and it made Conan frown harder instantly. He didn't like that look being used as a mask.

"Of course I miss him, kiddo, he's a best friend of mine and he's missing...but that's nothing for you to worry about, and he'll show up soon. It's just been a long day for me, that's all, and I just wished I could rant to him a little about it. Well, I'll just have to rant a lot when he gets back, to fill up my quota."

He stepped forward, tugging insistently at Kaito's sleeve. Damn it, he was still here to talk to! Even if it was through Conan, he was still here, and he wouldn't just stand by to watch Kaito suffer. "It's okay to miss Shinichi-nii-chan, you know...I do too. You can talk to me about it, I'll listen. You don't have to worry about him all alone."

He did miss Shinichi. Now more than ever. If only he could just turn back right _now_, when it mattered, to show Kaito he was okay and not let him worry anymore...he'd listen to any amount of yelling the other teen wanted to throw at him, so long as he was there as _Shinichi_ to be yelled at. More than anything...to just be there for Kaito again...

Kaito sighed, kneeling in front of Conan. "Look, Conan...yes, I miss Shinichi and I worry about him. He hasn't even called or shown up for weeks, and it makes me worry that he's gotten himself in some sort of mess, all by himself, and I can't help him because I don't know where he is. But that's that...there's nothing I can do about it. I can't make Shinichi appear. So until he shows up, I can do nothing. Yes, I'm worried, and that won't change until I know he's safe. You can't change that, Conan. So it's nice of you to try, but unless you know where Shinichi is, there's not much you can do..."

Then Kaito's eyes narrowed a bit. "Unless you really do something about where Shinichi went. Do you?"

Crap, he hadn't wanted the conversation to take this turn! He smiled nervously at Kaito, and wilted a little when Kaito merely stared back. "N-No, Kaito-nii-chan...I don't, he was gone before I arrived..."

Kaito merely stared at him a few seconds longer. "Fine, okay. If Shinichi swore you to secrecy about it, I won't force you. Never mind if he needs saving or anything, can't tell Kaito. Any other comforting lies he told you to pass on?"

Conan stared at the floor, stung. That had hurt. Damn it, all he had wanted was to find some way to cheer Kaito up, to get him to share his worries, and all he'd succeeded in was making Kaito angry and upset. Like always. Great job, Shinichi! "I'm sorry..."

Arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, and he squeaked a little out of surprise. What...?

"Gods, I'm sorry Conan...I didn't mean to explode on you, it's not your fault. I'm sorry, of course you're only doing what you're told..."

_But it is...it's all my fault!_ He thought despairingly, before closing his eyes. "I-It's all right, Kaito-nii-chan...I just wanted to try to cheer you up, but it didn't work..."

There was a weak chuckle from Kaito. "If you really want to cheer me up, you could tell me where Shinichi went...but even if he told you not to tell something, I doubt you know where he actually is...it's not your fault. Really, Conan, I'll always worry about Shinichi when he's not right at my side, it's just how I am. You don't need to burden yourself by trying to make me feel better...I'm glad you want to try, but it's going to work very well until Shinichi comes back, I'm sorry..."

"Shinichi-nii-chan didn't tell me anything..." he mumbled, before biting his lip, mulling that over. If Kaito thought his nervousness was due to knowing something about Shinichi he wasn't telling, it might help steer suspicions away even further. "...Not anything about where he went and what he was doing, though..."

"So he _did_ tell you something?"

There was that sharp, questioning tone again, and Conan squeaked slightly automatically, before stammering. "No-Nothing important...nothing to help...just something...personal...that's all!"

"Oh?" Damn it, now Kaito's voice had turned teasing. "What sort of personal thing?"

"S-Something embarrassing! Something that should be told to Kaito-nii-chan by Shinichi-nii-chan himself only!" He stammered out. Well...he did have things he wanted to tell Kaito, straight to his face and in his own body. So that wasn't a lie, per say...

"Something embarrassing and personal that only Shinichi himself can tell me, huh..." Kaito mused over that for a moment, then sighed. "I can't see why you can't just tell me...but if you promised, that's fine. I won't press you about it. I just wish I knew he was okay..."

The other teen slumped a little at those last words, and Conan instinctively wrapped his arms around Kaito to hug him. "Shinichi-nii-chan's okay, he has to be! He...wants to tell you something, so...he'll come back! He has to..."

Kaito hugged him back, chuckling weakly. "In my experience, kiddo, people usualy don't get a choice to come back...but thanks. Hopefully he'll be back soon to say it." Kaito then nuzzled him, laughing slightly more real. "Thanks for trying though, kiddo...for being here."

Conan smiled a little, leaning into the hug. "I'll always be here for Kaito-nii-chan, but...still...you'd rather have Shinichi-nii-chan, right?"

He'd meant it as an innocent question, sure of what the answer would be. Of course Kaito should want his real best friend back, and not this weak little imitation shell. It was what Conan himself wished for.

So when Kaito answered, the words almost made his heart stop cold.

"Well...yes, I love Shinichi, he's my best friend and a few...other things, besides, but...I wouldn't give you up for the world, Conan. Not even for Shinichi."

/iWhat...?/i

Conan looked up at Kaito, confused. No, Kaito couldn't possibly mean... "B-But...I'm just a little kid...surely Shinichi-nii-chan's much better?"

"Well...there's a few things that I'd love to do to your Shinichi-nii-chan that you're too young to know about, yes, but..." Kaito put his hands on Kaito's shoulders, looking at him directly. "If there was a choice between you two - and there never will be - then I'd pick you. Shinichi would understand, I'm sure he'd do the same thing."

No. This was not supposed to happen. Conan was a mask, a shell, a fake identity he was using to hide. Kaito shouldn't want Conan over Shinichi, that was not how it was supposed to go!

"N-Not even...if giving me up...was the only way to get Shinichi-nii-chan back...?" _Don't say it, Kaito, don't say it...it is the only way..._ He begged mentally, staring up at Kaito with pleading eyes.

"Not even then. And I know Shinichi would have it the same way, he'd never sacrifice a little kid for himself." Kaito gave Conan a worried look. "You're not actually worried about that, are you kiddo? Because if Shinichi tried to make me get rid of you when he comes back, I'll drop-kick him off a cliff. He should know better. He'll come back and we'll be all three together like we should be."

His head fell to stare at the floor, thoughts spinning in a daze. He'd always imagine he'd just...come back, and Kaito wouldn't think twice about Conan being gone. Shinichi certainly wouldn't, he'd be glad to be free of him...but...

What if he did come back and Kaito said he didn't want him? That he'd rather have Conan...?

"...That's not it. But...what if...it was the only way...? Would you really...throw away Shinichi-nii-chan...just for me...?"

"There'll be no throwing away of _either_ of you. Even if it came down to that, I'd find a way to save you both. But really...how do you think Shinichi would feel about it if I chose him over you? he'd never live with himself if he let someone else die like that...he's too soft-hearted. So don't worry...we'll always be together."

Kaito was right, normally he would have never forgiven Kaito if the other had let someone else die just to save Shinichi. If it had been a real kid, Shinichi would have understood perfectly.

But Conan wasn't real...

He shook his head, trying to chase away the creeping despair. There was no way for all three of them to be saved, to live happily ever after together. The only way Shinichi would return _was_ by COnan dying. And Kaito didn't know that, and Conan was too scared to tell him. Even if he didn't say he was Shinichi...gods, what would Kaito think about that?

Kaito might even completely denounce Shinichi, and never want to get him back, or see him again, and if Shinichi did come back, he would lose Kaito...

"So come on, what's wrong, kiddo? You're not going anywhere, I promise. Come on, you look a little tired...let's go lay down."

Conan didn't object as Kaito picked him up, heading for the bedroom. He didn't speak when Kaito laid him down on the bed, then followed suit himself and snuggled him close. Any other time, his heart would have been racing from having Kaito so close holding him like this, but the only thing that circled around in his head now was a feeling of complete loss.

He closed his eyes with a small whimper, and had to stop another one from coming out when Kaito hugged him tighter, petting his head...in a completely borthso affectionate, and in such a brotherly way it almost made him want to just curl up and cry.

What if...Kaito never wanted him back...?

_I'll...stay COnan for him, then..._ The thought came, and he merely let out a sigh of resignation. _I'll stay Conan for as long as he wants him...no matter if I never come back as my real self...if it's what Kaito wants..._

_If I showed up again and Conan vanished, would you turn me away, Kaito? Would you give up your new little brother just for a chance with me again?_

He turned over, curling up against Kaito when the answer flashed all too readily in his mind. He knew what Kaito would do. And he wouldn't survive it.

So he merely just sighed again, settling down to really sleep with Kaito's presence that was alternately comforting and depressing. He had no other choice.

_I'll be whoever you want, Kaito...no matter how hard it is. So long as I'm by your side..._

* * *


End file.
